Oh my.... Cocodorm

Been quite busy but had to share this in case you haven't seen it....



Local gay Internet site believed linked to the spread of HIV/STDs
By Gary Barlow
Staff writer
pulled from http://www.chicagofreepress.com

At the urging of Chicago Department of Public Health officials, the City of Chicago slapped a cease-and-desist order on the Lakeview home of an online gay porn site April 20 after concerns were raised about cases of HIV and other STDs tied to the site’s models.

Christopher Brown, assistant commissioner for HIV/AIDS/STD programs at CDPH, said health officials acted after uncovering “credible” evidence that models at FlavaWorks.com, which also operated CocoBoyz Dorm Room online, were HIV-positive, were engaging in unsafe sex practices and were spreading HIV, syphilis and gonorrhea through contact with individuals outside the business.

Brown said CDPH’s initial involvement came in late December after HIV service providers called CDPH to express “concerns that some of their clients could be seen on the website engaging in unsafe sex.”

“We also became aware of cases of HIV linked to some of the models,” Brown said.

The business allowed members to go online and view models engaging in sex in a “dorm room” setting that was staged in an apartment at 933 W. Irving Park Road. The models were predominately black and Latino. Members could also pay more to have the models perform specific sex acts.

Chicago’s Department of Business Affairs and Licensing issued the cease-and-desist order prohibiting the business from operating at the Irving Park Road location. Brown said CDPH Comm. Terry Moore also plans to issue a cease-and-desist order.

Brown said the business owner had been “less than cooperative” with city officials’ efforts to stop the spread of HIV and other diseases and get CocoBoyz models in for counseling, treatment and testing.

“Our main concern was the dorm,” Brown said. “Our goal is to immediately look at the models, screen them and address their needs.”

By the time city officials and police showed up the morning of April 20, CocoBoyz had already cleared out of the apartment. A man who identified himself as Jackson Robinson, manager of the business, said he and the owner closed it because they knew the city planned to shut it down. Robinson denied the city’s charges in a phone interview.

“There’s no one HIV-positive in our dorm, so that’s untrue,” Robinson said. “The models also engage in safe sexual practices.”

He said he felt the primary reason the city moved against the porn business was that it didn’t have the proper license. He said he’d repeatedly been turned down for a license.

Brown scoffed at Robinson’s denials.

“We had evidence and reports from what I would consider credible sources that there was HIV and STDs among the models at CocoBoyz dorm room, and unsafe sex could be viewed right there on the website,” Brown said.

Brown stopped short of saying the porn models engaged in prostitution with customers, but said, “Yes, through our conversations, there were individuals who became infected through contact with the models.”

There are also allegations that the business used unusual labor contracts with its models, which, according to one source, “at least bordered on illegal servitude.” The 30-day contracts allegedly required the models to perform a certain number of sexual acts in exchange for a stipend. But, when the models tried to collect the stipends, they were told they were being charged for such things as food and bed linens, leaving them, in some cases, in debt rather than collecting money. They were then pressured to sign new contracts.

Robinson said the business, which dates back to 1999, is looking for a new home outside Chicago and will reopen “whenever we can be licensed and incorporated somewhere else.”

And I am Back...

Let me just say that it has been one hell of a week. While I don't want to go into details right now let's just say the move to Atlanta was not as smooth as I had hoped. But at last I am here and still standing.

My birthday was this past Tuesday. Several old and new friends came over to not only welcome me back to Atlanta but to celebrate yet another year. My friend Damian who helped me drive down, unpack and begin to get settled left Wednesday morning... and that afternoon is when reality set in that I am not in DC anymore. I am already a little home sick and missing my friends... no IM or Vonage can make up for the distance that is now there.

Anyway I am off to wash my truck.... stay up and stay tuned.

Dem Questions

Valentino made me do it....


If you were to be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do?
Give birth... no it sounds painful but its truly the one thing a man can't do.

If you had to name the most difficult thing about being a teenager today, what would you say?
Have to agree with Valentino on the lack of individualism.... if I see one more group of kids all wearing them long white night shirts and blue jeans I may loose my mind.


If you had to name the most embarrassing moment of your life, when was it?
Janet Jackson concert at Lakewood Amphitheater years ago... as I was walking to my 3rd row seat as Usher was performing I slipped and nearly fell in front of everyone.


If you had to name the one personality trait that you have tried the hardest to change in yourself, what would you say?
My temper... let me stop lyin I ain't changing that for nobody.


If you could go back for one minute to the Garden of Eden and give Adam advice, what would you say?
If you didn't pick it don't eat it!!


If you were Madonna, what would you do for your next publicity stunt?
Set one of those Kabala churches on fire.

If you could have a lifetime 50 percent discount in any single store at your local mall, which store would it be in?
umm Saks of course

If you could have God perform one miracle today, what would you want it to be?
Once again Valentino hit this one on the head... take HIV/AIDS away as if it never existed.

If you could spend next New Year’s Eve doing anything, what would you do, and with whom?
Candlelight dinner on the veranda of an Italian Villa overlooking the Mediterranean Sea with Mr. Valentino

If you were to set your country’s immigration policy, what would it be?
All illegals would have to go back and come back in the right way. We have to protect our country and letting anyone just come across a border is not the way. I would make it easier for them to come across the border by offering guest work visas.

If you were given the power to settle the issue of gays in the military, what policy would you set?
If any homo wants to go over and fight a war for a country that won't even let them have all rights... more power have fun

If you could have one person you have lost touch with call you up tonight and invite you to dinner, who would you want it to be?
Cruz Torres.... a friend from elementary school in Houston

If you could change one thing about your love life, what would it be?
I would know all life lessons I have learned so far 10 years ago.

If you could have prevented one book from ever having been written, which book would it be?
J.L. King's last 2 books of nonsense

If you could have one thing made out of pure gold, what would you choose?
Pure gold ... not really a fan so I dont know what I would want.

If God were to whisper one thing in your ear, what would you like Him to say?
you made it in...


BooBooRed Countdown: 2 Days

Surprise and Goodbye

My last weekend as a DC resident has come and gone and it definitely was a great weekend. I flew back from LA on Friday evening so the rest of that day was spent sleeping and packing.

Saturday began with brunch with my good good friend and sometimes my personal attorney, Cynthia. Good food, several drinks and a couple hours were all I needed to send me away for the afternoon in tears. She has really been a great friend and probably the best supervisor I ever had. Left there and went shopping with 3 of my friends... Macy's was having a sale on Calvins and somehow I still managed to spend $75 on underwear.

However the highlight of the weekend was a surprise going away party that my friend Damian and bestfriend Rey hosted at his new house. Over the course of the evening which began at 9 and didn't end until about 3something ( I was too drunk to remember)... about 75 people strolled through partied, laughed, cried, drank and ate. Here are a few pictures of the 100 I have:















My friend Wayne decides to take an impromptu
collection for gas.








My bestfriend and host, Rey and his partner Matt.




Why is this fool licking my head?!?!? The dangers of alcohol


My brother-in-law shares the story of how we hated each
other for years but have become great friends now.


In tears once again, as my bestfriend Rey shares some words.

10 days to go...

well actually 9 but 10 makes a better headline than 9. And I won't be there till the night of the 14th and this time zone change out here in Cali is really taking its toll on me but anyway ....

Being in California this week has prevented me from being able to spend as much time as possible with my friends in DC. But I wanted to share the ten things (in no particular order) that I will miss about DC....

1. My friends. Some I see once a week others I see every day... but they have been the definitely been the family that I didn't have.


2. One of my favorite new lunch time restaurants. Matchbox in the new Chinatown area serves vintage bistro pizza and great miniburgers.


3. National, BWI, and Dulles Airports made the rising airline costs somewhat manageable by having more outbound flights than Hartsfield.

4. Metro ain't got nothing on the subway of NYC but MARTA definitely has nothing on Metro.


5. NJ Turnpike.... 3.5 hours on a good day and I could be in NYC from DC. Another 40 minutes I could be shopping at Woodbury Commons... the ease of getting to NYC and Philly will definitely be missed.

6. Georgetown... outdoor shopping... lunch at the new Ritz Carlton... a late afternoon movie... and a walk along the Potomac... a great way to spend a Saturday in the Spring.

7. Metropolitan Baptist Church... Dr. H Beecher Hicks... and Minister of Music Nolan Williams... have guided my fellowship with God for the past 5 years. I actually shed a tear last Sunday as I was sitting in my pew watching Richard Smallwood play the piano. But I will definitely be back Spring of 2007 for the first service in the new edifice.


8. The house parties... on any given Saturday there are at least 2 house parties somewhere in DC.. over the past few years I have found myself at more house parties than clubs and I will definitely miss that.

9. Dr. Strong.... oooo weee Dr. Strong.... lawd my doctor is fine as hell and my favorite dentist Dr. Ebbs but I will continue to see him on my trips to DC.

10. Did I mention my friends... yeah most of all that is what I will miss.

Weekend Wrapup

This weekend was definitely a mixed bag... it started off on Friday with a miniflood in my apartment. I had just put one load of clothes in the dryer and started another in the washer. I decided to run into the rental office to turn in my "Bitch Im out of this Joint" form letting them know this would be my last month here... when I get back to my apartment after shooting the breeze with the Leasing Specialists (why is it everyone is a specialist or account executive) eating up their Otis Spunkmeyer cookies... i find my hallway, bathroom and part of my bedroom is flooded.


After dealing with that and my foreign neighbor that came knocking on my door at least 3 times telling me that his ceiling has fallen into his bed... mind you I told him on the first time I wasn't a carpenter and that he needed to call the leasing office... so by time the third knock came around, the unchristianlike me had to let a few words go.... the rest of Friday was quite uneventful, just dinner and sleep.

Saturday night we had a small dinner party to celebrate my good good friend Donnie's birthday and new job.







Fun times but lord knows I will be happy when Lent is over... I was the only person not drinking. Usually I have a drink every evening after work and on the weekends but I must say not having one for the past 32 days has given me comfort to know that I am not dependent. But all I can say is at my Going Away Dinner this weekend.... I will make up for lost time!!!

Anyway tomorrow morning I am off to Anaheim for the official first week of the new job. The schedule seems to be quite filled so I won't have much time to realize how much I dislike California...

In the background: Desperate Housewives

18 Days ... 18 Wishes

April 18, 2006 will mark my 28th birthday. So in honor of that and to help you in your shopping, I thought I would give you 18 things that are on my wish list:

1. New levees for New Orleans. The Washington Post reports, "The Bush administration said yesterday that the cost of rebuilding New Orleans's levees to federal standards has nearly tripled to $10 billion and that there may not be enough money to fully protect the entire region." Please keep in mind the cost of the Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction War is set to reach $251 billion today, March 31, 2006.
2. A signed affidavit preventing future physical, verbal and mental abuse lawsuits for anyone taking employment from Naomi Campbell. AP reports "Naomi Campbell was charged with second-degree assault Thursday after allegedly bashing her housekeeper in the head with a phone in an altercation at her Park Avenue apartment."

   

3. For Oprah to come back from hiatus. With the invention of DVR and Tivo... I hate reruns because I have already seen them.
4. For Delta Airlines to get it together before I move back to Atlanta... or at least before my flight to LA next week. AP reports, "Almost 275 Delta Air Lines pilots marched through the world's busiest airport Thursday to vent their anger over the company's effort to throw out their contract so it can impose up to $325 million in long-term pay and benefit cuts. The pilots have said they will strike if their contract is voided."
5. For the Washington Post and all DC news reports to stop making that damn baby Panda the cover story.... WE REALLY DO NOT CARE!!!
6. Another DC thing... can someone explain to me the fascination with these damn Cherry Blossom trees. Must people come from all over the region and country to tie up traffic to see a damn tree blossom some pink flowers that will be all over my car and the road in a few days????
7. An explanation on why I cry every time I fill up my Montero but yet Exxon Mobil Corp.'s $10.7 billion in earnings - the highest quarterly profit ever for a U.S. company.
8. For Tyra to take a break from ANTM... Tyra maybe if you weren't trying to crown a new Top Model every season you could actually get a few contestants that may make it. I mean seriously how many people can name 3 of the past winners other than Eva Pigford???
9. And since I am on reality shows... can someone please get rid of Randy and Paula on American Idol... Randy gives everyone the same critique and Paula... who even listens to her, I swear that ho is on something.
10. AP reports that, "The city has agreed to pay $1.1 million in legal costs to the family of slain rapper Notorious B.I.G. because of police errors during a wrongful death case brought against the city and the LAPD." Beyond this on going case and P. Diddy releasing new BIG albums every other year... is just a bit of overkill. Can we let him rest for awhile so in a few years we can come back and be like damn he was HOT!!
11. For someone to let Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) you can't pull out your weave, take off your congressional pin, and walk up into the US Capitol in a pair of sweatpants and expect a security guard to recognize who the hell you are.

    /

12. I would also like for the Vice President at my new job to realize I do not officially start until April 3rd... SO STOP FUCKING CALLING AND EMAILING ME!!
13. I also want people to stop coming to me with their relationship problems. You allow your significant other to do dumb shit... then you want to cry and break up for 2 days... then you are back together only to repeat this nonsense of a circle in a few weeks or months. Stop the nonsense in the beginning... let that person know you are not going to deal with bullshit.
14. Oh yeah one more DC thing... can someone please just lock Marion Berry up. NBC4 has reported, "A subdued, apologetic D.C. Council member Marion Barry was sentenced yesterday to three years of supervised probation for misdemeanor charges based on his failure to file income tax returns, as well as failing a a court-ordered drug test."
15. And can someone explain to me why these ignorant people of Ward 8 (the majority black section of DC) keeps voting this ass into office??? And you wonder why they keep pushing the poor and black across the river.
16. For my move to Atlanta to be over... not that it has been difficult but I just want it over.
17. Hope for Whitney.
18. For Bush to admit on his last day in office that he was an incompetent ass, that fooled the world, making him a lot smarter than people give him credit for.

    

The Last Day

Well yesterday was my official last day at the National Legal Aid and Defender Association. While Friday was the last day I even attempted to do any work, yesterday I made an appereance around 10:30am to turn in my keycard (I still have to find and turn in my actual keys to the office which I am always misplacing) and to go to lunch with my girl, Maureen. Tuesday ended just the way I had planned it... very low key with most people out of the office on business travel. However on Monday as the new Director (and one reason why I chose to leave) was leaving the office for a business trip she asked me two questions 1. How could our assistant be used more effectively? and 2. Name one positive thing and negative thing about her performance so far. Well you will read the answer to number one below ... but for her second question I told her to stop pushing off work on other people and that she was a good communicator (mind you it took me at least 3 minutes of silent thinking to come up with that bullshit last part about her communication)... in return she said that I was a good party planner but could work on my thoroughness (mind you I didn't ask her opinion). So in response to that I sent her the following email (Bcc most of the people I like around the office):


After much thinking about our conversation on Monday, I have finally decided that I can not assist you in your requests.

You asked me how can Aiyana be used more effectively. I think the most effective and efficient way to get an true answer to this question is to ask Aiyana herself. While the Training Department has usually functioned as a team, we all had specific and separate duties to accomplish each day that made the team function. I know that Aiyana is consistently busy in her role and seeing the seniority she has in the department, only she would know what more she could possibly do.

You asked me to let you know exactly what work that you have passed off onto other staff members that have been the work of the Training Director and department. Well I do not feel that it is my position or responsibility to inform you of what your duties are. I believe that since Chuck and Jo Ann hired you, they or HR should inform you of your role and responsibilities. It is unfortunate that Aiyana or myself were never shown the new job description in its draft stages for our input on exactly what the Director did on a daily basis, but that decision was made higher up and now it is their issue. I encourage you to talk to your colleagues that have been complaining, I am sure they would more than happy to let you know as well. I would just remember that no one at NLADA has a secretary except Jo Ann... so your attitude towards doing certain things, like sending that box Monday to EJC, is not above you.

Your last statement to me was that I plan great parties but I could work on my thoroughness. I find your immature and unnecessary jab to be unfounded and misguided. In the entire time I have been at NLADA every conference I have produced has been complete from beginning to end. Even when other staff members and consultants have unprofessionally missed unexpected expenses such as a shuttle for participants staying at the overflow hotel and the increasing costs of AV. It was my decisions and professional advice that made the shuttle service and purchase of LCD projectors as well as other creative spending that led the conference to still make its budgetary numbers even though our registrations numbers were far below where they needed to be. And for future reference it is quite offensive to tell any meetings and event professional, that they plan great parties. But your lack of knowledge in this industry and role do not surprise me that something that rude would come out of your mouth.

Because I hate to see anyone fail, I sincerely wish you good luck in this position, because with your performance so far and how staff feels you will definitely need it.


Charles O. Williams, II
Training & Education, Meetings Manager
National Legal Aid & Defender Association (NLADA)
1140 Connecticut Avenue NWSuite 900
Washington, DC 20036
E-mail: c.williams@nlada.org
Phone: (202) 452-0620, ext. 214
Fax: (202) 872-1031

I Wrote This Song.... a book review

Well although it is taking me forever to get to posting this... it only took me 2 days to read Dayne Avery's first novel, I Wrote This Song. From the very first chapter Dayne pulls you in with a vivid and gripping scene of abuse, which sets the tone of dramatic and colorfully written chapters to come. It is quite hard for me to go into detail of the novel without giving the juicy details of the book. However the novel covers a new and first love from the beginning to the very end. If you have ever been in and out of love you will definitely feel and understand the emotions and trials, Jayson, the main character, experiences throughout the story.

Most of the time I find the storyline of novels, especially gay novels, to be a bit extreme and out there. However this book definitely struck a chord with me. I too experienced the same beginning and a similar end with my first love. (again not trying to give the storyline away) I do not recommend every book I read, however this book would definitely get my stamp of approval. Check out the novel and author's website http://www.iwrotethissong.net and read an excerpt of the first chapter.

Dayne Wrote this Song...

So everyone knows that I am constantly reading a book, so the other day Mr. Valentino asks me if I have read fellow blogger and Atlanta resident, Dayne Avery's first novel, "I Wrote This Song". I hadn't read it and really didn't know much about it. So i hopped on Amazon as we were talking and bought the book and fellow DC resident Rashid Darden's Lazarus.

I can say now after only reading the first chapter, Dayne has pulled me in and has me curious what the next few chapters have in store... so in between packing and hanging out with my friends this weekend I will be checking out the rest of this book and of course like the other books I have reviewed posting my thoughts about the book.

Icy Blue or Chocolate Brown... You Decide??

Well actually you are just helping me decide... so if you have been paying attention, you know I am moving next month. You should also know the 3 moving quotes I have received so far have been off the chain ($1900 - $3400). So today I decided to rent a Uhaul trailer attach to the back of my truck pack up my new bedroom furniture I bought last summer and sale the rest of this shit. But know I need to order new living room furniture. So I have been debating between two couches... now the chocolate brown (option #1) I currently have in a light tan color (and the only reason I am reconsidering it in another color is cause everyone who has sat on it loves it and it is soooo comfortable and I would be taking the one I have now if it wasn't so expensive).... and the icy blue (option #2) me and my bestfriend saw in a store while I was in Atlanta last week and were like damn that is hot!! So I already have been polling some of my friends, and my Dizyaboy told me to blog about it... so here it is... please vote and let me know your opinion on the couches....

Option 1 (less the white chick)

Option 2

Weekday Wrapup

What a busy work week it has been... but it is now Friday evening and all that shit is over. Just thought I wrap up the week a few thoughts on my mind....

• Why when I resigned on Tuesday... the first thing my Director said after she picked her face off the floor was.... "Is this effective today?" At first I was like does this bitch think I am really that unprofessional and uncouth? Do I need to go dust off the three degrees that hang on my wall? But then I was like... a hit dog will bark... she must be feeling guilty about something....
• Why did the HR Director overlook my request for a going away party and hold one today? Better yet why did I stay for 15 minutes before leaving?
• Why did I answer Trent's Friday Phone tap... knowing I hate my voice and I knew it would stir up a few questionable emails to my mailbox??
• To answer the questions from those emails.... read the post below... I am moving to ATL for a job opportunity not to be shacked up. My friends and family are just an added bonus.
• Why are these moving companies trying to hem a brother up with these $1700 quotes?? Anyone know any good day labourors?
• Why does Darryl Wilson think I am going to pay $25 to see Remy Ma and Eva at the Edge nightclub tonight? I don't even know who Remy Ma is and what exactly is Eva 'the Diva' Pigford going to do?
• Giving up red meat has been harder than giving up alcohol for Lent. 17 days without a drink has been like hunh but no hamburgers or steaks isn't really working.
• Have you all heard the news? BooBooRed is moving to Atlanta. Yay!!
• I'm gonna stop here.

On that Midnight Train to Georgia...

He's leavin On that midnight train to Georgia...
Said he's goin' back to find...
A simpler place and time.

Yes it is true... after a little over 6 years in DC, I am relocating back to Atlanta. What a whirlwind week it has been for me. It all started on Wednesday, when I got a call and impromptu phone interview from the second largest association management company in the US. That led to me meeting the Executive Director and one of the Vice Presidents in the DC office on Thursday afternoon. Friday morning I got a call inviting me down to Atlanta to meet the team and talk with the Vice President of the Division. A few parties here in DC on Saturday... a little apartment hunting and hanging with my bestfriend in Atlanta on Sunday... meeting on Monday... and the official offer phone call as I was boarding the plane back to DC this afternoon.

While I always had plans on moving back to Atlanta, I never imagined it would be so soon. I love DC... always have, always will. DC has been really good to me... however I will do a post about all of that later. But there are things in my life I want and people I want to be near. Besides I am young and who knows after another 6 years, I may be relocating somewhere else.

So much to do and so little time to do it.... I still have to finish up projects I have at my current job which includes yet another week in Philly at the end of March.... and then I head out to Anaheim for the first week in April, and lest we not forget my birthday is quickly approaching (April 18... I do accept gifts and money).

And to my special friend Mr. Valentino ..... suprise!

In the Background: Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight and the Pips

Farewell.... Gordon Parks

All I can say is simply amazing.

Often correctly described as the pre-eminent African-American photojournalist. In 1948 Parks became the first African American photographer for Life magazine, where he worked for 20 years. Although most recognizably known for his photojournalism, Parks also shot high fashion as well as earned considerable distinction as a writer, poet, novelist, composer, and filmmaker. The second of his films, the blaxploitation movie Shaft (1971), achieved success at the box office and made him the first African-American to direct a major Hollywood film.

Parks was the true essence of a Renaissance Man.

"I chose my camera as a weapon against all the things I dislike about America -

poverty, racism, discrimination."

- from Gordon Parks' 1966 autobiography "A Choice of Weapons."

On the Road Again....

After a pretty dormant December, the new year has kicked off and I am now on my 5th business trip of the new year. A week in Philly... followed by a week in Chicago, both in January.... a week long tour of Texas included stops in Dallas , Houston and Midland.

Now I am wrapping up a week back in Philadelphia. If Philly gives you nothing else there are some really amazing restaurants. Buddakan, Bluzette, Tangerine and Washington Square are all on my recommendation list. It has been quite some time that I have had a chance to check out so many different restaurants in such a short period of time.


Always good to be going home however... the 2:15pm Amtrak back to Washington's Union Station can't come quick enough.

Why Are You Still Single???

Over the past few months, I have been on a few dates and have talked to a few more people online or on the phone, and there is always one question always asked... "So why are you single?"... I have my own answer but I happened to reading articles online and came across this one.....

Why are You Still Single?
By Jerusha Stewart

Do you really and truly want to be in a relationship but find yourself singing solo in the shower? Do you know you're a great catch but can't figure out why you're not paired up like most of your pals? Unwittingly, you could be engaging in a little self-sabotage when it comes to finding your special someone. With a little digging you can uncover the silent saboteurs preventing you from achieving "I'm taken" status -- and learn how to overcome them.

Silent saboteur No. 1: You're ignoring your relationship needs.
Often people with a lot on their plate may say that they're open to a relationship and are willing to make room for one. But in reality they're not. Some tell-tale signs: Every time your co-workers or friends extend an invitation to join them for a little after-work socializing, some unfinished project on your desk convinces you to say "Not tonight, but once my workload lightens up" (as in, never). Or, you find yourself saying things like "I'll start really looking for someone once I get my promotion/graduate degree/finances in order" (which, alas, may not be any time soon).

Solution: Put yourself first. Have an honest chat with yourself: Do you really want a romantic relationship in your life right now? If the answer is yes, make at least one step toward carving out some space for it, whether that's signing up for online dating, telling all your friends and family you're open to a set-up, or establishing a once-a-week night out with your single friends. And don't let a few bad dates drive you back to your workaholic way -- once you have a good one and see what you've been missing, you'll understand what all the hubbub is about.

Silent saboteur No. 2: You're too quick to decide whether you're interested.
In today's fast-paced culture, it seems natural to decide whether someone's right for you in, oh, about three seconds. Alanna Rayford of San Francisco often cuts flattering male attention short. "In the first five seconds I know whether or not I'm going to continue to have a conversation," she confesses. But think about it: Most of us aren't great at making a killer first impression. "It sure could explain why I haven't had a date in a year," Alanna continues. "I don't give men a chance to show me who they are. A little patience would probably help."

Solution: Avoid making snap judgments. If you find yourself making snap judgments like Alanna, adopt these two new rules to end your dating drought. Rule one: Promise yourself to withhold any dateability decisions about someone until after a cup of coffee (the whole thing, not the first two sips). You should be able to talk to anyone for as long it takes to drink a latte. Rule two: Adopt a second-date rule. If you like the person, even just a little bit, make plans to see them again. At that point, you two should both be more relaxed and ready to reveal your true selves.

Silent saboteur No. 3: You've got options but none are "good enough."
We're not saying you shouldn't have standards. But see what your friends (especially the single ones) think of your prospects. If none of them get why you didn't follow up with that person you thought was, oh, an inch too short, or too tall, or a freak because he wore a bolo tie, then you could be guilty of having too many must-have traits on your list.

Solution: Re-evaluate what's really important. We all have our best-case scenario in terms of height, weight, hair color, and so forth in a partner. But how many relationships do you know where two people in a couple fit that wish list to a tee? None or not many, most likely -- which is all the more reason why should you probably take a closer look at the qualities you deem ideal, or deal-breakers, on a date. A solid relationship is more often based on shared values and common interests -- so make sure you keep those things in mind on your next date rather than obsessing about his too-short trousers.

Silent saboteur No. 4: You're not entirely over your ex.
You and your ex are history ... so what's up with the long, warm-and-fuzzy phone conversations to "check in" with each other? Sure it seems harmless. But if you find yourself comparing every new potential love interest to this former flame (or if you conveniently "forget" to tell your ex about the people you're dating), then it could mean you're still harboring some feelings for the one who got away, which makes it difficult to really focus on someone new.

Solution: Give yourself permission to meet someone new. You could be holding on to your past because you haven't been building your post-breakup support network -- a mix of friends and family members you can comfortably dial for no reason at all. Weaning yourself off your ex can be hard, but it largely comes down to re-directing those impulse calls. The next time you're tempted to call your ex to vent about something awful that happened at work or just something funny that happened that you're dying to share, resist the urge and call someone else, like your mom. Over time, you'll stop thinking about your ex so much, leaving you more open to meeting your next one-and-only.

Silent saboteur No. 5: Your attitude leaves a bad taste in the hearts and minds of others.
When you're out on a date, do you find the conversation generally veering toward your dimwit boss, dysfunctional relatives, dating horror stories, or some other "poor me" tale? You may think these stories are funny (and they very well may be) but after a while, anyone listening is going to wonder: "Why would I want to join this pity party?" and steer clear.

Solution: Get an attitude adjustment. Hey, we've all got problems. And while the blues are fine in stereo, very few people want a personal serenade. Putting your best foot forward all wrapped up in positive packaging makes you a much more attractive companion. Just because someone's agreed to spend time with you doesn't mean they've agreed to spend it as your therapist, so accept the dating process for what it is: a chance to get to know someone better, not vent. Stick to more positive stories, and see if you don’t find yourself in a more positive place, dating-wise.

The Beginning of Lent

Well, well, well Fat Tuesday, the last opportunity for partying and excessive indulgences before Lent, has come and gone. And today marks the first day of Lent. While I grew up in a nondenominational church that never really recognized this season of fasting, my new spiritual journey has taken me to a place where I look forward to this time of penance, prayer, preparation for or recollection of baptism, and preparation for the celebration of Easter.

During this time over the past 5 years, I always fast on something that has become unnecessarily important in my life, read the Bible more, and attend more church services than I do most of the year. For me its all about making a real sacrifice to symbolize the greatest sacrifice. This year I have decided to fast on alcohol and red meat and to read the entire book of Job. I chose Job because it is a book about a man who has so much and looses it all but still confesses his trust in God. This month will not only be a cleansing period but also a time of reflection of the difficult year my family has experienced due to Katrina and how material wealth can be easily washed away.

Dear Whitney....

You are really beginning to piss me off. Why do you continue to play with my emotions? You should have stayed with Clive and never married that crack head. At least Clive knew how to hide the ghetto New Jersey side of you. You always get my hopes up with the rehab stints but then you... get out and do some crazy bullshit in Alpharetta. You know them white folks up there are just waiting to say they say Whitney do this and Whitney do that. Move to Stone Mountain if you want to carry on like that. You make one big musical appearance a year or every other year... and I am like yes she is on the path to coming back... and then you pulled this bullshit you pulled in Turino.

Do you know how excited I was to hear you would be performing at the Winter Olympics? When I first read that along side the award ceremonies for the competing athletes, every night there was going to be a show with the best stars of the international music scene including you... I was shocked. Finally someone recognizes that you still have some talent left in you somewhere. Since they weren't broadcasting the concert, I waited and waited for a clip or a news bite of your February 19, 2006 performance. And when I finally hear of your less than stellar performance... where you missed nearly every note... my heart broke once again. And then to hear your reason:

"Why did they choose to do this outdoors? I don't sing in the cold. It makes my voice funny." - Whitney

Whitney I need you to do one of two things.... get it together or leave the scene before you ruin what is left of the memories of one of the greatest voices ever.

Always,
CBW

A Weekend with Friends

If there is one thing I have come to learn about DC, since moving here 6 years ago, is that the residents on DC only need a one reason to party. And today being a federal holiday, making it a 3 day weekend was the reason for this past weekend.

The weekend started for me by going to a small get together to play spades at my boy Tim's house. Most of the regulars were there as well as couple new faces... always the usual. And of course me and my partner ran the table. The party then moved to the Edge nightclub and Darryl Wilson's Bounce Fridays. Darryl had invited the City Gym Boys of NY to do an underwear fashion show and Tyson Beckford made an appearance. In all honesty I only briefly remember any of them because by the time they made it to the stage I was on my 2nd lil blue drink (my friend and bartender Cory is always looking out) and probably my 5th drink since dinner.

Saturday, my good friend from NY, Dizyaboy and his boy Alex, nixed their plans for a weekend getaway to LA (why the hell anyone wants to get away to there I wouldn't understand) and came down to kick it the rest of the weekend. A little shopping.. alot of eating... a little drinking... a lot of sleeping. Saturday was definitely a restful chill day for the all of us.

Sunday I was awaken by the clammer of pots and aroma of food from my kitchen... usually any food aroma from the kitchen is from take out in the microwave. Alex had got up and made all of us breakfast. Pancakes and eggs... (where he found that pancake mix I still have no clue). We spent the rest of the day at the gym and Target. Now everyone that knows me knows I love me some Target (seeing I got about $100 in Target gift certificates for Xmas, someone was paying attention) But anyway I am probably in Target 3 times a month, every month. My cousin, JP, says there is something in there besides Tide that keeps bringing me back. Well as I was going for my Tide with Bounty... I noticed this attractive dude checking on me. We talked and exchanged numbers, with promises to get up later. Maybe JP was right.

We ended Sunday at Love. Darryl Wilson's new Sunday night spot which will quickly put the other Sunday night spots out of commission. A couple of drinks... alot of music... some dancing and socializing made for a pretty damn end to the weekend. I was awaken by Eric this morning as he said his goodbyes and headed back to NYC. (Did I mention him and Alex are only the best houseguets... removing the linens from the bed before they left, washing dishes and cooking... open invite whenever!)

Definitely a great weekend with friends... back to bed I go now!!

ANIMBACK... again

Ok no more emails or IMs asking me whats wrong.... everything is going well, I have just been focusing on different things and have been uninspired to write. But of course that doesn't mean life has stopped... so here is a quick answer to "what the hell has been going on man?!?"

• Back on the road again.... 2006 has kicked off and I recently returned from my third trip so far. Philly was the first trip and was really cool. I reconnected with one friend and met another who has proven to be quite a character so far. I think I will call him Chill for two reasons... he is calming and alcohol.
• Next was off to Chicago.... I was there for a week at the posh W Lakeshore. Always good to see my friends there and lucky for me the weather was abnormally nice.
• And returning this week from my Texas tour. I hit Dallas, Houston, Austin, and Midland. I saw old friends and family and did some work while out there. But like they say it is always nice to go home... and be able to leave again!!!
• I have also been networking like crazy... my desire to switch from the client/event planner side to the hotel/catering side has proven to be a challenge. Lucky I have met some good people in the industry that have gotten my resume to some of the right people. I have been saying prayers on that and hopefully something will open up soon.
• I have also began to look into purchasing my first home. I was preapproved for a mortgage and seeing my lease is ending soon, I thought it was the best time to see what was out there. And let me say the housing market in DC sucks. It definitely takes 2 incomes or at least 2 of my incomes... to be able to afford something nice and spacious. This reason alone has made me start looking for jobs back in Atlanta. If I don't find anything in the next few weeks... I will be rooming with a friend of mine so we can both save money on living expenses and revisit this idea in another year.
• Boys... Boys... Boys.... of course no new entry into the blogworld would be complete without a mentioning of men. Dancerthighs is making a reappearance... after finding out over the Xmas holiday that he had slept with a friend of mine way before I knew him it kind of put me off... but then I realized ummm duh he didn't know your dumb ass then, get over it! Then there is the Blatino... young, dumb and full of cum is the only way to describe him... he is cool people I like hanging out with him. And we can't forget Frenchy... we have went to dinner once and hung out he is cool but seems to be very guarded and likes to be pursued.... which we all know ain't me but he is cool and if nothing more we will be good friends.
• And of course I save the best for last KravingATL .... still has my heart even from miles away. Makes you wonder if things were different... would it be a perfect world?!?!