Random Thoughts this Wednesday Evening

1. Sherri Shepard is now synonymous with BET to me. Every time I hear it or see it... I cringe and feel we have been set back another 10 years as a people. The now 41yo has never voted. Seeing she has missed the past 5 Presidential elections alone was bad but her comment that she never voted because she "never knew the dates or anything." just made me hang my head in shame.

2. Why do people always compare artist against each other as if you can only like one or only afford to buy one CD? ie: Beyonce vs. Janet, NeYo vs. Usher, Danity Kane vs. ok let me stop...

3. I was thinking that I wouldn't have anything to watch on TV with this writer's strike but I am actually quite fine. Don't get me wrong I miss some of my shows but I don't think their strike is working.

4. No John Edwards... Super Tuesday may be the real Super Bowl. It will at least be an interesting day.

5. Damn... I'm hungry.

6. So the late Dr. King and Coretta Scott King are finally going to be grandparents... even if posthumously. We know the child isn't coming from good ole Dexter or loud mouth Bernice... but from MLK3, who happens to also be the only married King child.

7. After visiting ATL a few weeks ago I realized I don't really miss the city but just my crew. Not surprised seeing I felt the same way about DC when I originally left.

8. Analysts, on average, expect Exxon Mobil to report earnings of $1.95 per share and revenue of $114.89 billion during the fourth quarter, according to a survey by Thomson Financial. Gotta love that Bush!!

9. I wonder can I squeeze Blogtopia and Cat on the Hot Tin Roof into the same weekend.

10. If everyone who owes me money would pay me back... I could afford to buy the new LCD for the living room, get a new set of mattresses, pay for my trip to St. Kitts... but it was just a random thought.

Shit Your Mother Should Have Taught You #4

One reader who I met while living in Atlanta and that I stay in contact with via Yahoo! IM, has constantly complained about his teaching job in Bumfuck, GA. Week after week it always something about his class or school...

For the past six months an acquaintence has been dating this one guy, that I have yet to meet but you would think I knew him for years. For the past four months I have had to hear about how emotionally unavailable the guy can be; how he is always out partying with his friends to only call him afterwards so he can cum through; how he wishes there was more time for him between the guy's busy travel schedule; and the list has gone on and on since October...

For the past two years my cousin has complained about how the family is rude to his fiance and how they really don't accept her. (I could do a series of posts on the Baptiste-Williams and their standards of dating and maybe one day I will.) Recently after spending the holidays in St. Kitts with the rest of the clan... his fiance called off the wedding (I'm not surprised) ...

We all go through shit and need to vent from time to time. Sometimes we have one of those days were if just one more thing happened or one more person would have said something... it would have been on and poppin'. Hopefully we all have someone we can vent to whether it is your partner, friend, or mother... but there is one thing your mother should have taught you...

No one and I do mean no one wants to hear your ass complain constantly about the same thing.

Especially me... I, like most people, have enough shit going on in my own life to want to hear anyone constantly complain about the same thing over and over. Especially if they are not making moves in their lives to change what is upsetting them. Don't you think I have worked a job that I was unhappy at? Don't you think I have had a current that needed to be an ex? Don't you think this family gets on my nerves from time to time. But instead of complaining and nagging off someone's ear all the time... I prefer to make changes so that I can cope and deal with the situation if not eradicate it.

Don't take this the wrong way... we all got things we have to release and just vent about. And if we are friends I will listen... but you also know as friends I am going to be the first one to tell you stop fuckin complaining and do something about it... and if I ever slip up and forget what my momma taught me I hope you remind me as well.

Powell's 13 Rules to Live By

In my early years of living in Washington... on the third day of working at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts... I met a man that I had always admired; one of the most powerful black men in America; and a man I felt was one of the most brilliant men in Washington. As we were setting up for the event, out of the elevator banks and around the corner came General Colin Powell. I had been in Washington only a few weeks and always wondered if I would run into any politicos... and the first one I did meet was one of my heroes. Over the next few years of working there I had the opportunity to talk with him several times and really get to know his fabulous wife Alma Johnson-Powell.

Well the past few days I have been playing catchup on all the shows I DVRed and I got to see Secretary Powell's appearance on the View (guilty habit just to see Sherri Shepard piss me off once again). During his appearance he mentioned his 13 Rules to Live By that I had heard once and keep at my desk...

1. It ain't as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.

2. Get mad, then get over it.

3. Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.

4. It can be done!

5. Be careful what you choose. You may get it.

6. Don't let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision.

7. You can't make someone else's choices. You shouldn't let someone else make yours.

8. Check small things.

9. Share credit.

10. Remain calm. Be kind.

11. Have a vision.

12. Don't take counsel of your fears or naysayers.

13. Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.

An Extended Weekend

Wednesday, January 23, 2008... back to work and tired. This past weekend was full of activity from flying Delta... to hanging out with friends... meeting new people... and trying to at least see some of my old friends in ATL.

Three from Jersey, me from DC, the three ATLiens, and our Iraqi transplant made it a full weekend even though we only hit up 2 house parties and 2 clubs it seems as if we were going nonstop. Friday we hit up Trademark at the former Palace. Due to the abnormal cold weather we skipped the general admin line, for the VIP line which we were told as we got in it would be $20 admission. Two minutes later as we stood at the cashier we were told ummm no $25.

So while waiting for some drag queen waitress (sorry if that isn't the proper term) to bring back some drinks for my friends... this attractive short guy that I will call Esquire grabbed my attention, we talked for a few, exchanged numbers and decided to meet up later in the weekend. After several hours of dancing, drinking, and sweating... we decided to bounce hit Checkers and call it a night.

The club promoters gouging the kids for all their leftover holiday money left a bad taste in our mouths and prompted us to skip going out Saturday and just check out a house party or 2. When we finally made it to subdivision where the first party was located it was quick to see this is where everyone was.... cars were parked everywhere. When we made it to the door... we were told no more people could go in because it was crowded. I informed the doorman I was an invited guest and threw out the name of one of the residents and me and the crew walked in. As soon as the door opened I realized the party wasn't crowded. It was absolutely crazy. There had to be at least 400 people in this house. No Way in Hell I would ever have that many people in my house!! Ever!! We were there less than 30 minutes when the cops came and put everyone out... just in the nick of a time seeing a fight was about to ensue right in front of where we were standing. So with the help of some queen with an annoyingly screechy voice we all flooded out of the house and off to the next party. We never made it because the party was in a new subdivision that even GPS couldn't find.

Sunday we went to see DJ Sedrick the District House Mutha at Club Europe. That is where I met Baller... a mid 30s ex pro athlete. Our eyes met when we first walked in but I like to check people out and see how they act and interact with others before speaking. As I exited the restroom after what had to be my third drink... Baller grabbed my arm and struck up a conversation. Exchanged numbers with the promises to get up later the next day... which never materialized but I did get a phone call explaining why which at least showed he was considerate of my time.

Monday was a pretty chill day... tried to visit a couple friends and lunch out with my boys I came to hang out with. Something told me to check my email before I started packing for my 6am flight the next morning to see... Delta cancelled my flight and others due to weather (mind you there was no bad weather out) and rescheduled me on an 8pm flight that evening. How you go from a 6am to 8pm I still haven't figured out but after talking to two CSRs I was finally rebooked on the 220pm. The delay in flight was a good thing it allowed me to have more time with Baller and Esquire. But while I love ATL and enjoy my friends... I was ready to get back to DC, my own bed and my own bathroom... always good to be on the go but even better to be able to go home!!

Off to spend 4 days in the A with my boys... partying, hanging out and of course remembering the dream. I am sure I will have something interesting to post about on Tuesday when I return to DC.

Other MLK weekend posts:

Welcome Back to Atlanta

Is It Time for the Gay Pride Travel Tour Already?

Growing Out of Addictions?

Ok so I was going to post on something else but as I was signing into Blogger, a news story came across the screen about the cause of Ike Turner's death last month... a cocaine overdose. Immediately images of Lawrence Fishburne as Ike doing a line of coke in What's Love Got to Do With It, came through my mind.

The second thing that I thought of was do you ever out grow your addiction? Do you ever become just too damn old to be doing the same bullshit? Whether it is cocaine like Ike or alcohol or shopping or eating or unhealthy relationships, not only a date but friendships as well... do you ever get old enough, mature enough, or wise enough to say enough is enough.

Just like I can't imagine my grandfather snorting coke at his age... I can't see myself in a relationship where I am not getting as much as I am putting in. I can't see myself in a relationship where I don't feel complete. I can't see myself in a relationship where I feel the only thing that we have is the time we spent together and as friends. So what a better wake up call for myself and maybe for you to remove some of those addictions out of your life. And what better time of year.

When I called my mother to tell her about good ole Ike Turner, the first thing out her mouth was, "At his age..."

Shit Your Mother Should Have Taught You #3

We already know how I feel about passive people, but nothing irks me more than someone to ask me, "When are we gonna...". That question is usually ended with go out to dinner, hang out, go to a movie or something. But the way the question is asked just pisses me off to no end.

The statement "When are we..." suggests that I know your schedule, I know your commitments, or I can just pick 8am Monday morning and it will be cool with you. So in case your mother or father never told you how to ask someone out... let me pitch hit for a minute. The correct way is "I would like to... when is good with you." or even better, "Would you like to... on Friday." Stop being a passive ninny passing off what you want to do on the other person. Man up and just ask!!

New Year... New Start

A friend emailed me to say one aspect has been missing from HisStory for a minute. I think "so wassup with my life..." were his exact words.

To say I am somewhat of a control freak can be an understatement at times. But when things do get out of hand or out of my control... I tend to put them away and think about them only when I can solve the issue. Bills are a great example of this. If I can't afford to pay it why open them... I just throw them in my nightstand and get to them when I am able to. No sense in looking at an outstanding balance I can't pay. Luckily for me I haven't been in this position in awhile.

But to say my personal life has been in a little disaray the past two years is quite the understatement. If you been following HisStory... you only know half of the story, its been a lot worse than I have written about but somethings are reserved for my journals. The transition back to Washington has not been as seemless as I thought it would be. Work and the social life have had a few bumps in the road but it is what it is and Xs are Xs for a reason. A new friend of mine wrote in his blog:

Would the world go on without me?
How would the grass continue to grow?
Could people survive without me?
Or am I to them the Sun?
Of course things would continue without me
And though I am just a minnow in this sea
Even minnows make waves - DL 8/24/2006

But with the new year the waves are becoming a lot calmer. In the past few months I made the change and finally left the nonprofit world and ventured into the world of hospitality. The job change isn't unfamiliar territory, I am actually going from client to supplier. And I am loving it. In 18 months, I will be up for a promotion and more than likely I will be leaving Washington once again. My mentor/supervisor told me being open to move anywhere would be best for my career, so if that means I have to move to our property in Paris well hell so be it!! LOL

Redating an X has proven to be a difficult situation. While we never gave a title or definition to what we were doing... we were doing a lot of it. When he told me that he wasn't able to fully committ till things that were going on in his life that were out of his control were back in order... I heard but I didn't listen. So once again, I put myself in a position of giving more than I was getting and not being totally happy. While things are still in a awkward state, I have allowed myself to be open to meeting new people.

And so I did... one person, TheNutCracker (if you saw his thighs you would understand), actually the one's poetry I referenced above, I had actually talked to on IM before leaving DC however we only met face to face in December. He is definitely the type that grabs my attention: intelligent, great conversationalist, sexy thighs, committed and thought provoking. The only bad thing is that he is in a relationship so we have both remandided ourselves to being friends.

Then there is Texas not sure what I want to write about him just yet but he is cool and I definitely see a good friendship there.

This past Sunday I did something I wouldn't normally do. I went out by myself and actually had a good time. I know a lot of people so even when I do go out with friends... I am always off in a conversation with someone I didn't come with. But I don't like going out alone because I always think who will I sit there and talk to. Well with the few people I knew and the new cutie I met, I wasn't at a lost for conversation the entire night.

But for the most that is what has been going on in my world. Oh yeah I saw The Great Debaters yesterday (still upset at an $8 matinee) but it was well worth it. Excellent movie you all should see... especially if you are tired of the typical, nonsense black movies out there like that Santa movie with Gabriel Union and Morris Chestnutt (yeah I slipped that jab in for you NutCracker)

Lessons Learned in 2007

Like I said last year, Life is nothing but a string of decisions. Some decisions can make it better, some can keep it from growing, and others can change things for the worse. 2007 was definitely yet another of decisions and revelations.

Just like us, friendships evolve and change as well. At first I was hurt and dismayed when two of my four closest friendships changed for the worst in the past two years. But now when I think back on both of them I only think of all the good times and years we had. People grow and change over time, we can't expect our friendships not to evolve as well.

Faith goes beyond a church, a religion, and a Bible. My grandfather was a minister so church has always been a constant in my life. Twice on Sunday and every Wednesday for Bible study. Since leaving home my belief system has changed much to the dismay of my mother. I finally believe that the Bible is a good guide but it was written by man; i choose to be more spiritual than religious; and finding the right church that gives you spiritual nourishment is important regardless of the denomination.

HIV is real. Simple enough we have gotten careless and often think never us. HIV isn't the same disease it was in the 80s and early 90s and because of that many gays don't think about it as much as we should. In the past 2 years several friends have came out to me as being HIV positive... in the past 3 months, I have learned about 2 very close friends. HIV is real and we need to take it serious.

You can't plan life. One of my favorite movie quotes comes from Love and Basketball, when the character Monica says, "It's a trip, you know? When you're a kid, you-you see the life you want, and it never crosses your mind that it's not gonna turn out that way." The past two years of my life have made me realize that and I think this quote summarizes my 2007.

Hope all of you have learned some lessons that will help you get through 2008. Happy New Year!!