Recently, some friends and myself were sitting around relaxing in deep conversation with empty bottles of wine all around. During this conversation of of the younger members of the group mentioned in passing his four exs. My mind started racing like damn how has he had more Exs than me and I am a good 5 years older than him.
So over the past week I have been wondering... what makes someone an Ex? How long do you date someone before bestowing that title on the person?
I have always thought in today's environment... especially within the gay community... we go from meeting someone... to instant relationship very quickly. And when this fizzles after a few weeks or months... we harbour unnecessary emotions and feelings against someone we never really got to know.
Personally I would only consider myself having two Exs. Each of these people I dated for several years, but I am a different breed. In my own head and dating life I have crafted my own little timeline of progression.
There is a time of getting to know the person, just casual hanging out discovering the likes and dislikes and who they are. And figuring out if this is a person I want to date, be friends with, or avoid at all costs.
Then I progress into dating. This is when the masks begin to come off. During this time I learn the intricacies of their habits, learn more about the friends they surround themselves with, and where they are going in life. Here I learn if this is someone I could be in a relationship with.
Once I am in a relationship... I have been fully committed not only to the person but to the friendship of our relationship. This is when I am finally willing to work on the relationship and the hurdles that come before it.
But anyway back to the conversation.... so one person was talking about their ex and how the mere sight of him irks the hell out of him. When I inquired how long they dated and I was told a couple of months... it baffled me that one... he was considering this person his ex and two... someone could emote that feeling after such a short period of time.
I think words are powerful... and titles can be even more so... so how does one define what makes an Ex.