Apologies...

Over the past weekend I have had 3 people apologize to me for different reasons. Whether it was something they did, something they didn't do that they said they would, or something they did and they said they didn't do... I got three "I'm sorries" this weekend.

It took me quite a while to realize that no one in life owes you anything. No one has to do what they say they are going to do. And people's word changes like I change underwear. Sometimes these are caused by factors in their control or not but yet and still like I always say... It is what it is.

On neither occasion with these three people did I take their actions and condemn them or their character, I just adjusted how I deal with each of them. No hard feelings but it doesn't take me three times to get burned to realize fire is hot. And it doesn't mean that I have casted their friendships to the wayside either... it just means I have learned more about who they are and how I can effectively deal with them. And maybe this was a one time fluke... but time will tell and just like when bad shit happens, when good shit happens I will also take notice and know how to deal with them as well. (i consider myself to be a pretty fair person)

But what prompted me to blog about this was one of the people that apologized got upset that I didn't instantly forget what happened and embrace them as a good friend immediately and go have drinks. One thing people need to realize, especially when dealing with me, your apology is for your conscious and soul and usually means absolutely nothing to me. First I hate the words I'm sorry. Those words convey nothing to me and do not acknowledge my feelings of the situation. So in case your mother didn't do her job and teach you the correct way... here it is... "I recognize what I did or said made you feel ____ and I apologize that my actions made you feel that way." Do not say I am sorry for doing... because you aren't. And if you were you wouldn't have done it in the first place. You are just sorry that your actions pissed me off.

9 comments:

Cocoa Rican said...

Wow...true and unfortunate. It's one of those cases of sometimes wanting folks to react to things the way we believe they should. Not to say your way doesn't seem reasonable, but telling folks how they should apologize - when some morons don't even find the logic in doing that - is a bit on the over-control side. Deep breaths. Like you said...it is what it is.

colinnyc said...

u are so right i hate "im sorry" sorry for what muthafucka?!?!

Mr. Jones said...

On one hand you have to commend people for being adult enough to recognize their faults and attempting to right wrongs.

However (and for me this is a big however) don't be saying sorry just for the hell of it.

People sometimes lose sight of the power of words. They also seem to lose sight of how apparent it is when what they spew is just for shits and giggles.

Either way, their mommas should've taught them the proper way to apologize. I think you took care of it though.

Tim said...

I totally agree with Mr. Jones.

Besides, you could take the words "I'm Sorry" to an entirely different level if you really think about it.

Darius T. Williams said...

I'm sorry does have a twist to it...shouldn't just be used casually.

Dayne Avery said...

Most people just say "sorry" to pacify people, not because they really regret their actions.

I see where you are coming from. Sometimes I like to hear it, sometimes I don't (especially when it's a repeat offense).

When a person habitually apologizes to me, it looses meaning.

Anonymous said...

My goodness...Well put.. Alright.. I love that you said "it doesn't take me three times to get burned to realize fire is hot" and it's very very true. no one owes anything but a lot people seem to think they do. Good Blog!

Chet said...

I agree the term" I am sorry" doesn't mean a thing. I understand your dismay being that your three friends disappointed you and by all means alter the friendships accordingly.

life said...

We're very much a like on this topic. I hate the whole I'm sorry thing too. Stop apologizing and do something to fix whatever you caused. I'm sorry usually aggravates me.