It has been a little over a year since I moved back to DC. And life right now is no where near what I had expected it to be when I moved back.

Today in a conversation with a friend about FLJ, he mentioned he never knew how I really felt about him because I never really stated. After the death of Terrence and a string of unsuccessful dating situations, I began to keep a lot of that part of my life quiet. I simply felt that no one needs to know every detail about what is going on in my dating life.

My relationship with FLJ was quite unique one. We dated off and on since 2003. Even when we weren't dating we remained really good friends, so the definition of our relationship was often quite blurry even to those who knew us well. When I made the decision to return to Washington it wasn't purely for the reason of the job opportunity that had been presented to me. I sought out the job because of the decision to be closer to FLJ during his fight with cancer. I never told anyone this part of my decision to leave Atlanta because I was one of those who said I would never move for a man... well I did, never say never I guess. FLJ also made it very clear he wouldn't be in a committed relationship with me until the battle with cancer was over. He felt it was too much to ask one person to deal with. Regardless I told him I would see him through it. During one of my visits to DC from Atlanta we talked about our future and began to make plans to move to NYC in the fall of 2008 by then the cancer would be gone. I guess Peter Drucker was right when he said, "Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans."

But life is what it is now. I work incredible amounts of hours now and often only have other time to sleep and relax for a few hours a day. I don't have the network of friends I had when I lived here before so to distract me for my lacking personal life I fill the time with work. But that is helping me meet those financial goals I have set for myself.

This Sunday was the first time I had been out in DC in such a long time and it felt oh so good. To hang with some old friends, have several drinks and reclaim that socialite status if for only one night. Celebrating a friends birthday and just hanging out with my boy JC was just what I needed. Less the immature kids fighting outside the bar... these bars really need to be a little more selective about who they let in.

JC has been quite a needed relief. Our lazy afternoons and early evenings at our local gathering place/lounge/bookstore/restaurant/etc. talking about friendships, travel, blogging, and life are one of the few things I really enjoy about being back in DC. I shouldn't totally down my time in DC this time I guess it isn't all that bad, it just isn't the DC I once knew.

As for the random guys I have met since being back... I really didn't take any of them serious. They were all mere placeholders something to occupy time with. Now that I have typed that it sounds really mean... they were mostly nice but really no connection. My bestfriend has told me once before that I write people off to quickly... "they do one thing you don't like and we never hear there name again." Which is mostly true... I just feel relationships should be easy and drama free in the beginning... and if they aren't usually that is how it will be throughout. And as an Aries I have little or no patience. But with that said there isn't much to comment on those guys because there has been nothing happening.

Since being back in DC from my two trips to LA, I have been eating a lot healthier... not on some crazy ass nuts, berries and tofu but just more healthier... chicken tacos instead of beef... baked sweet potatoes instead of rice... grilled pork chops instead of fried. Now if only I could get the drive to take my out of shape ass to the gym.

So I am just being me... perfectly imperfect... still creating my HisStory....

~

12 comments:

Corey Keith said...

Wow, His Story. Great post. I guess we don't always get what we hope for but we still have to go with what we got... and I guess the gym beckons us both my friend.

Q said...

You're are quite fine. you don't need the gym. Kudos on writing those tired pieces off. I can be in "love" with them at breakfast, and be over them by dinner. There's nothing wrong with it...lol

Darius T. Williams said...

The gym...lord, the gym. I was there Monday night and last night. I'm taking a break tonight. I should go though because I just ate a bacon bagel with egg and cheese.

Anyway, great post. You were honest and very transparent. I'm loving this.

It's so funny - we're all alike in so many ways it's unbelievable.

Anonymous said...

i dont think ive ever seen you so vulnerable open and honest

i like

Andre J Allen II said...

take it one day at a time and sometimes its good to be open but not completely open. today u felt the need to express n thats what bloggin is all bout. lettin go n lettin in positive vibes. keep smilin n lookin forward.

Cocoa Rican said...

You were one of the first blogs I ever read...throughout the years I almost wrote you off...didn't feel as connected to your writing and it felt somewhat superficial as time went on. Today you've restored my faith in you. You appear to be a together guy...reading a more 'raw' you sure makes for more interesting reading. Thanks for coming back.

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Great blog man! I knew there was a reason I liked you. A fellow Aries!

Just keep living your life ma dude and everything will always fall into place!

~Damnit!

Crazy Diamond said...

Your Sunday night out sounds so fun :) Those kinds of moments seem to come less frequently in these adult years, but it's always nice to indulge and take a break from work. Sorry to hear things aren't exactly as you thought they would be, but things sound perfectly imperfect, as you say.

Gary T. P. said...

I told you...

C. Baptiste-Williams said...

gary... shush

That Dude Right There said...

Dammit, I wish we had gotten a chance to hang out while you lived here.

slimm215 said...

Wow man. This blog was really something. I agree with you on thinking that when dating things should be smooth and enjoyable in the beginning. drama in the beginning leads to more drama later. Your also right about never say never man. life has its ways of making you do some things you never dreamed you would do. again great post.