The Laws: The Lay-A-Way Plan


So me and a new acquaintance were having a conversation last night about many things and of course our experiences dating was a part of that conversation.

He was telling me a story about his recent dating situations and how one person he was dating refused to tell him that he was dating other people as well. I commented that, "Oh he had you on the Lay A Way Plan". Which prompted me to have to explain:

The Lay A Way Plan is when you meet someone that you are really interested in. They are attractive, have things going for themselves, they make you happy, and you could see yourself dating them; however you are not ready to commit to just one person. So what you do is you date them from a distance. You hang out continuously and even spend evenings, nights, and weekends together. However you are still hanging out and meeting other people, while keeping that other person close enough to hopefully develop into something but far away enough to keep all commitments at bay for now.
The Lay-A-Way plan may work for some. But the problem with it is... that most of the times people don't want to admit they are on this plan and forget how small this world really is. It usually blows up in their face and they are left there looking like a scheming liar... when all of this could have been prevented by just saying, you are dating other people or committing.

But, at least in the gay community, people seem to subscribe to the whole grass is greener mentality. Someone may find someone who is quite a good match but yet not perfect... so you continue your quest for Mr./Mrs. Perfect, instead of working on and developing what you have into the perfect relationship. I am by no means saying that anyone should settle, but if the person is a good match but not perfect... maybe it is something that can be worked on or maybe it is you that is not perfect. God knows I have definitely been the imperfect one many times. And who ever said you are Mr./Mrs. Perfect's perfect match.

Being upfront and honest is the only sure way to maintain friendships and relationships. So if you got someone on the Lay-A-Way plan... be careful that this doesn't come back to bite you in the ass... you could miss out on something really good.

15 comments:

colinnyc said...

i have been both on layaway and have put someone on it... and you are right that shit comes back on you.

Soldier said...

the Layaway Plan = dangerous plan

I'm guilty of having used it in the past... but well i needed a plan B because the man was pretty unstable and i didnt tell him because i was suspecting him to be immature enough to start dating other people for no reason JUST BECAUSE i was doing that !

When i finally settled with the one who was best for me, i felt weird because i had never really taken the time to accept his flaws -> whenever he was gettin on my nerves i had the other one to make me forget him !

life said...

sometimes it works, but u may want to tell ppl they are on lay way

Cocoa Rican said...

It all depends really...if the conversation never veers toward discussing interests, dates, etc. outside of each other, then there isn't any lying going on. Besides, adults should learn to enjoy the person they're dealing with and KNOW that when the actual perfect match comes you'll dropped your layaway plans...by virtue of choosing to commit all your time, energy and conversaton about growing something with the ONE.

That Dude Right There said...

Lay-Away? That's an innovative term. I was told that men are like tires. You should always keep a spare. Although I have never subscribed to that, I know many that have.

Anonymous said...

"if the conversation never veers"??? you have to be joking

that statement right there is the entire point of this post... its about being upfront and not hiding shit!

Kyon Saucier said...

The point is just be honest. If u want sex negotiate the situation with the other person so ur on the same page, if ur playing the field let the other brotha know ur playing the field. It's not so much that the situations bite one the ass but that the lies at some point tend to explode in one's face...

Corey Keith said...

LOL.. What a controversial post! Just like an Aries... I agree with Cocoa... It's important to let people know what you are and who you are so they can decide if they will deal with it or not.

Kensilo said...

huuumm.. I also called this "chasing the dragon that never exist". Why do people feel the need to look for a better suitor than the one they are with? The sad thing is we never find that perfect person cause that does not exist. Perfection is hard to come by. Find a mate that compliments your personality one must look beyond the physical. We all have our fantasy/dreams of the perfect man/woman and that alone continues our quest looking for special one. We need to be reminded that it's just a "fantasy" we have to eventually come into reality if we ever truly want a loving relationship.

ShawnQt said...

I never did the lay a way plan, I would get people's names mixed up, lol. If I am dating or talking to someone, I'm in it, with no distractions, no matter how good or bad it turns out.

But I am not againest the whole idea. Dating is all about meeting and getting to know people.

I think just being honest with everyone is the main key.

Mr. Jones said...

Hmmm...I've laid away before. It's really not a good plan to subscribe to b/c you'll always be looking for greener pastures when what you have could be exactly what you need at the moment.

Not sure why guys believe the grass is always greener. Sometimes it is, sometimes it REALLY isn't.

Omar Ramon said...

ugh...down witht he lay away plan!! It always(read- more often than not) turns into foolish drama

yet another black guy said...

how can you get to know somebody truly if you're jumping around from dude to dude? i'm not dating right now, but i think this will be among my first questions i ask when i meet someone. lay and play sound too much alike to me, and i'm a grown ass man.

KennonPurdy said...

I think all of us were on law a way with someone or had someone on lay away until we decide to commmit...

Sean Stone said...

The good ole Lay-a-way Plan... to be (brutally) honest is to first be honest with yourself. Once that happens, any interaction becomes a possibility.

Most people love manipulating others to save face. Some people love being manipulated period. It's all about perspective, I guess.