To Tell or Not to Tell...

So for the past two weeks, my friend (for the sake of this story we will call him Mike) that recently moved from Ohio to New York has been talking about this sex party he was invited to. I had never been to one so I told him I wanted full details when he got home that early Sunday morning… regardless of what time just call me.

Well two days later I finally get the call and Mike goes on to tell me about how it was nothing he ever could have imagined. Just walking into a room and people everywhere groaping, moaning, and freaking. He said he was in the very dark apartment all of an hour, until he ran into a friend (we will call him Tony) that he knew from back home. (Momma always said… be on your best behavior you never know where you will run into someone) But that isn’t the point of this story… maybe a hour later he sees his friend Tony getting banged out by two dudes while several others stood around watching…

Before I finish this story, let me just say that I do not judge anyone’s sexual activities as long as you are not physically or emotionally harming anyone, and will say I have been quite curious and always wanted to be a fly on the wall at one of these things… back to the story

So of course he stood around and watched as a guy next to him that was watching began to feel him up. After watching for a few minutes he saw the guy pull out of his friend and noticed for the first time that evening that the dude wasn’t wearing a condom. I immediately asked was anyone using them and where they even there and he said yes everyone he saw had been. But that isn’t the point of this story…

The guy Tony from Ohio is HIV positive. And as another guy went to take his turn this time with a condom, nothing from Tony but moans. So my first question was are you sure he is HIV positive, and Mike says yes they were once good friends back in Ohio and he has heard it from the guys mouth.

So my question is even if you are having safe sex… is it the person’s responsibility to tell their partner or partners that they are HIV positive, even if they do not ask??

17 comments:

celeste said...

ooooo good post. i think that is both persons responsibility to ask the question... but ultimately you can't let anyone else be responsible for your life.

however even if you are having safe sex the person should still let you know.

Anonymous said...

definitely a good thought provoking question... i would definitely say yes for HIV and any other STD.

Coital said...

Wow...great post! Not too sure where I stand on the subject. Being negative, of course I would say: Hell yeah you should tell the other person immediately. But after having a close friend who is positive break it down for me, I wondered if I were poz how I would feel telling EVERYONE that I was poz. I've talked to a few poz people and their mindset USUALLY is "if ure dumb enough to have sex in this day and age without protecting ureself than..." Kind of an extreme perspective, but I kind of get it. Wrap it up people!!

Enigmatic1 said...

Wow...I think it's both parties' responsibility to protect themselves. It's a 2-way street: yes 'Tony' should've made sure the other dude was protected but in the same sense, the other guy should've already took care of that to protect himself!

ReddMann said...

i definitely agree both should have protected... but allowing someone to have sex with you knowing that you are positive is wrong.

while i feel you should tell the other person... i also feel you can also just say wrap it up without divulging your status.

Anonymous said...

in california the supreme court ruled that a person can be criminally responsible for knowingly infecting someone with the virus

ReddMann said...

thanks mr anonynmous comment however in that California case the ruling for criminal action applied to married or monogamous couples and not necessarily to those in casual relationships, however it does allow damages against someone who knew, or had reason to know, that he or she was infected with HIV.

Of course as we learned in the OJ Simpson case... civil court is usually less demanding.

WiseYoungMan said...

Man,
It has to be a two way street, one party has to at least ask the other are you HIV pos or neg. If neither of them ask then its almost like implied constent. Nowadays people are fully aware of the risks associated with going raw. Couple that with sex parties where you can have sex with multiple parties without having to know their name or their face. The odds of you getting an STD are pretty high.

I can't honestly say must use protection all the time b/c that won't help you 100% of the time, the only thing I can saw is use your common sense, and take 10 seconds to think before you do anything like that. So you know what you're getting into, literally and figuratively.

Just my thoughts

Kensilo said...

Yes!! I believe if you have any morals at all let the other party know that you are HIV + (or have a STD) regarless of whether or not they asked you. If we want the disease to stop speading we need to be more aware of our actions. Damn, Soo SAD!!

The Captain said...

I think legally Tony is obligated to a certain degree.

Ty said...

Great post. In the end, I believe, that it is both parties responsibility to engage in safe sex. However, I do not know how to take someone knowing that they are pos and willingly goes out and has sex without advising their partners. Although I understand what Coital said about his friend, and yes, you shouldn't have to tell EVERYONE. But there are resources available for poz people to meet other poz and poz accepting people in a discreet environment. To go and have sex with someone without telling them seems a bit selfish. You don't want to feel uncomfortable about your status so you willingly gamble with this person's life. Even with safe sex, it is still a gamble, condoms DO break.

Anonymous said...

Ummmm ... Errrrr... Ooooooooh...

U want to live a long life and sleep with men... don't ask... Dude's lie!!.. didn't ya momma tell you that? It's your RESPONSIBILITY... yep .. Urs!
don't ever think for a minute that anyone isn't.. just assume they are.. and wear a condom .. its the only way! Some have enough guts/maturity/concern ..etc to tell you.. and thats cool.. most don't ... don't be a victim... & have fun.. your only hear for a short time.


THINKPINK! ;)

Cocoa Rican said...

Long story short...
They don't need to tell you jack.
You need to take care of you.
You need to minimize your chances for risk and infection.
Period.

Omar Ramon said...

it's both parties responsibility to protect themselves..but if you know you have it...you definitely need to tell whoever you're freakin exactly what they're freaking with...life is all about choices..why take someone's choice from them?

yet another black guy said...

that's why i don't ho!

Walter "Kimora Lee" White said...

It's your responsibility to protect yourself. Just because someone says they are negative doesn't make it the truth. With 50% of black gay men being Poz now, and 50% of that group not knowing that they are, you can't expect or ask for people to tell you.

Take care of yourself...it isn't anyone else's job to do it....

ReddMann said...

While the HIV epedemic is serious the stats that half of the black gay male population is positive (mainly courtesy of Noah's Arc) is NOT TRUE!!

For more accurate stats visit http://www.avert.org/america.htm

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/aa/index.htm