Must I Date Your Friend too??

Moving to Atlanta and entering the dating scene again has been quite an experience. Some of those I have shared in this blog. But something happened this week and it just struck a nerve and has been on my mind all week.

So I was sitting around the house minding my own business, not bothering anyone when I get a call from a guy that I dated for a few weeks earlier this summer. He was a nice guy that I had actually been communicated with before moving to Atlanta in an attempt to establish new friendships. So what was to be just hanging out turned into us spending a lot of time together and going on a few dates over the course of three weeks. And then came the oh this is moving to fast I need space nonsense (also known as I ain’t ready to settle down just yet I gotta see what else is out there, mind you a serious relationship was never on my mind but it is whatever). But that is not the point of this blog entry… so he calls me out of the blue and in the midst of the conversation keeps bringing up the Sugar Water Festival this weekend starring Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, and Queen Latifah… anyway so he asks me if I was planning to go because he had no one to go with and after agreeing to go, I get hit with… Let me ask my boy before I buy tickets to see if he wants to go too.

Did you not just say you had no one to go with?
Why are you asking me to go if you were going to ask your boy?
(FYI: The correct way to do that was to ask your boy first then ask me if I wanted to go along with you guys)

Back in June, I had been casually dating this one guy for several weeks. We often had to cancel or readjust our plans because he said, “My roommate is feeling left out.” Mind you the roommate went to Morehouse, and with all the homos at that school I am sure he had some friends somewhere in this damn city. Feeling left out? Am I dating him too? The last straw for me came, right after my cabin trip where I had been gone for like 5 days to get back to the city, anxious to spend some time with him. So I invite him out to eat… and on his way to my house he asks would I mind if his roommate joined us for dinner. So me being me I said yes I would but if that is what you want its fine. Long story short… just me and Dominican go to dinner but on the way home to chill and watch a movie, he says he wants to stop by Atlantic Station (outdoor shopping complex for you non Atlanta folks)… where what his roommate is…. only to come to find out that via text message while we were at dinner he had made plans with to go see a movie. As soon as I found out I bounced… I hope he enjoyed that movie.

I never expect anyone to distance themselves from their friends just because they are dating. But there has to be some sort of separation. And what kind of pressed friend would always want to be the third wheel… I mean every now and then its whatever, lets all go hang out but damn!!

Why do I keep running into people that expect me to date them and their friends?


Kensilo said...

ROFLOL.... man that's crazy. Like you said there is a separation that a friend has to make with another friend(s) when it comes to dating someone. Truly I dont know what was on dude's mind. My logic is if you are going to date someone then date them! There is a time and place for everything, for friends, love, work, etc. He needs to learn how to establish boundaries for himself. I hope dating for you gets much, much better in the near future. Dont give up!. :)

Anonymous said...

LOL I can definitely see how that can become irksome if it happens too frequently. How old is Dominician?it's been my experience the younger the kats the more they have to have a friend around all the time for emotional support. It's almost like you can't have one with the you' can't be involved unless you tolerate the best friend part of the package. Happens to me a lot too.. I dont even know what is up with that..but if you find out..please let me know LOL

colinnyc said...

now that is some funny shit... how he gonna not have anyone to go with then in the same breath have to ask his friend first... dudes can be so lame

mandiva said...

i know this aint an atlanta thang, but i find that even my friends in relationships intend for me to date their man as well. i aint ask your man if he wanted to go hang out i asked you... what is up with all of that unofficial 3 person dating thing anyway... funny post!

Ty said...

Too funny. Yea, I have to agree with you. That seems a little messed up. Like you said, it is cool to hang out with their friends every now and again but dayum.

"B" said...

well since I know who "HE" is dont say i didnt warn YOU!!!!! remember when me an Judy "Gee" brought him over to your house...I told YOU!!!! THEN!!!! he doesnt sit right in my spirit!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Funny, I happened to pass over this blog. As a Morehouse man, and as a friend to a Dominican, wait, no I beleive he is PUERTO RICAN, I can see how the situation would appear that way to you. Maybe, you should really ask yourself if the friend was the third wheel? Did the Morehouse guy have his own car? More than Likely. Was the Morehouse guy chillin' at Atlantic Station, having a good ole time? More than Likely. Sometimes things aren't as they seem. Sometimes a thirdwheel is just a diversion to keep you from getting the "I really don't want to be with you, but you are cool" vibe.