Not Even if You are Gay

I briefly noticed him when i first walked into the neighborhood Safeway. He stood 6'0, about 170lbs, nice athletic build accented by the navy tank and white cargo shorts that showed off his beach tanned biceps and calf muscles. Like I said briefly noticed.

Small talk by the orange juice as we laughed at how this store was always missing at least one thing you came to get and how we longed for the new store to be opening very soon.

A friendly smile by the pineapples which led to a conversation about his work out and him getting ready for Rehobeth next weekend (the weekend summer getaway for gays in the DMV). As he asked if I ever got up there.

As I had my head buried in the Haagan Dazs shelves with the cold air billowing out I heard his now familiar voice ask if it wasn't too forward for him to ask my number. As I continued to look for my Caramel Cone I gave out the 10 and said not at all. He smiled, told me to enjoy my ice cream and he would talk to me later.

I closed the door to this black woman looking me up and down and as if I invited her conversation she began to say there were too many gay black men in DC for me to be going after him. And ended with an offer to meet her coworker... I declined to blind dates and headed for the register feeling... damn I guess even for the gays people are anti interracial dating.

12 comments:

Pharaoh said...

Bautiste-Williams
OH WOW! I occasionally refer to people of color (rather black or latino or Pacific Islander) as "Sun Kissed" so when you said this guy was showing off his beach tanned calves and biceps, I interpreted it as sun kissed. So I didn't get that he wasn't African-american until I read the comment from the woman.
That aside BABY if you like what you saw and he provides those elements that put a smile on your face (in conversation or otherwise lol) go for it!

The Antonym said...

I completely agree with:

"...if you like what you saw and he provides those elements that put a smile on your face (in conversation or otherwise lol) go for it!"

Do you man...

Anonymous said...

Makes sense that your self-hating @ss would go with a white man. And, you might as well. It is just as offensive when someone like you is only attracted to light skinned blacks. So, be real and go white. I respect that more.

Is this the Safeway on Corcoran and 17th? That place is a whorehouse. Be careful.

colinnyc said...

i see your hater is back.. lol

funny story though and im still upset you got me addicted to that caramel cone

celeste said...

apparently your anonymous hater never met franklin.

That Dude Right There said...

I'm about to start dating other races!!! So do your thang!!!

Anonymous said...

I thought the "perfect" black gay man would come along and we would grow old together. It never happened. The one long-term relationship I was in (with a black gay man) crashed and burned. There's been nothing since except casual/recreational sex. That will probably come to an end soon and then there will be ... nothing.

Based on what I've seen and experienced, the typical black gay man is NOT looking for a long term relationship and/or marriage. This is due to a multiplicity of reasons, the main one (in my opinion) being that most black gay men DON'T LIKE BEING GAY - deep down inside they don't think it's "right". And they refuse to move from that position even as they indulge themselves from the closet and/or the down-low.

Don't waste your youth on black gay men like I did. I don't know if you've noticed the same thing in your world but most black gay men I see are not in long-term relationships - the relatively few black gay men who ARE in LTRs and/or marriages are with white gay men. Look around you. I don't think black gay men are bad people - they just have too many "issues" about being gay.

Anonymous said...

This is anonymous 6-4-09 9:19:00 AM again. See following clarification:

I meant to write ... the relatively few black gay men who ARE in LTRs and/or marriages are USUALLY (not always, but usually) with white gay men.

Anonymous said...

It's so wonderful to see you boys bash gay black men so openly. Black women and white gay men have been doing it for years. Ironically, when you bash gay black men, you bash yourselves. Riddle me this...How many opportunities with good gay black men have you missed out on because you refused to accept them as good men (they didn't meet your standard of beauty, wealth, education, success, etc)? It's your fault that you are alone. Trust me, not that many white men will want you either...certainly not long term. Most white/hispanic men are looking for that mandingo fantasy thing. They are not really trying to be seen with you in public.

It's sad that the majority of you will die without having a true partner in your life. So sad.

C. Baptiste-Williams said...

I am kinda confused how some of these comments make it seem like I am jumping ship and only dating one particular race. I am an equal opportunity dater... if I am attracted to you I am attracted.

Anonymous 9:19... I don't think a perfect man exist regardless of race and if that is what anyone is looking for they will be looking for a long time.

Anonymous 10:18... I don't agree with the bashing or lumping all of anything into one category. I had a great relationship with a black man and will continue to date them.

Anonymous said...

This is Anonymous 6-4-09 9:19/9:25 AM again:
@Anonymous 10:18 AM
I'm always amazed (and I should be used to it by now) at how irrational some black gay men become whenever the topic of interracial gay relationships comes up.

Where in the above comment did I "bash" black gay men? I indicated that most (I orginally used the word typical) black gay men are not looking for a LTR and/or marriage. Is that statement true or not true? I believe it to be true based on experiences I've had "in the life" over the course of more than THIRTY (30) years. If you believe my comment is not true, PLEASE show me any evidence you have to the contrary. I don't believe you can.

I also said that most of the black gay men I've known over the years "are not in long-term relationships - the relatively few black gay men I know who ARE in LTRs and/or marriages are USUALLY (not always, but usually) with white gay men." Again, how is this "bashing" black gay men IF IT'S TRUE? Are you saying that I don't see what I, in fact, see?

I have not "bashed" black gay men. How is the truth "bashing" black gay men?

You said,
" How many opportunities with good gay black men have you missed out on because you refused to accept them as good men (they didn't meet your standard of beauty, wealth, education, success, etc)? It's your fault that you are alone."

My response,
You are right. It is my fault. I had the opportunity to go out with non-black gay men and I didn't because I thought that a black gay man would come my way and we would walk through life together. If I had the chance to do it over again (and who says I don't) I would do things differently - I would be more open minded. I would "date" non-black gay men and I don't apologize for that.

You said,
"Most white/hispanic men are looking for that mandingo fantasy thing. They are not really trying to be seen with you in public."

My response,
How do you know this? From personal experiences? Of course, white/hispanic gay men are looking for sex. lol So are black gay men. And many times, black gay men are looking for NOTHING BUT sex, as I'm sure you know. So what's the difference? Because there are many more white gay men than black gay men, the odds of a black gay man (who wants to be in a LTR/marriage) finding a LTR/marriage with a white gay man are greater if he doesn't limit his dating choices to black gay men.

You said,
"It's sad that the majority of you will die without having a true partner in your life. So sad."

My response,
You don't know me. Who are you to judge anyone? Worry about your own life. Don't waste time getting upset with someone you don't know and never will know. It's a little silly, don't you think?


@C. Baptiste-Williams
Of course, I know that no human being is "perfect". That's why I put the word in quotes. When I said "perfect", I meant perfect for ME.

Todd said...

C. Baptiste-Baptiste:

You make solid points and although I have differing issues with dating, you should be free to date or call whomever you want. That lady should have backed it up and left you alone.

Anon 9:19/9:25:

I have read the back and forth on this topic, and I must say I have come to appreciate your words very much. I'm still in my twenties and I'm really sick of dating and going through the motions of dating. Guys shut down at the slightest disagreement and would rather throw stones than communicate, and then they wonder why they can only seem to bed hop. Its too much for me. I grew up in a great household and have a wonderful family. There is real love there. I have never felt any type of love in the gay 'community' (whatever the hell that is anyway). The disdain I see many gay men show each other is sickening. I always end up on the receiving end of cheating, derogatory names, and guys who seem great but who are really monsters. I don't want to waste my life trying to find something that doesn't exist, but I also don't want to be alone. Its tough...but I decided a while back to stop dating and even though its hard to go out and see couples all the time, at least I know I appreciate myself. There are so many gay men of all stripes who are catty, vindictive, selfish, crude, crazy, and everything else I don't want in my life. Even keeping friends can be hard. It just seems like most gay guys LIKE the drama and recklessness, and they like wallowing in self-pity when they've done nothing to help anyone but themselves. My mother looked at me a few weeks back and told me she noticed how unhappy I've been over the last year and asked if I wanted to tell her something. It pained me that my own mother could see how this 'lifestyle' was affecting me, and I realized I was not the same person I used to be. I used to give most people the benefit of a doubt and listen to them. Now I could care less about what most guys have to say and most of them are lying half the time anyway. I just refuse to be a victim again and I refuse to be treated like crap just to say I have some sorry man on my shoulder. No thanks. If I sound bitter, so be it, but I need to have a healthy life, and going out with gay men is way more trouble than it is pleasurable.

Also, to the guy who brought up the fact that most of us will "die" without having a partner...umm...how the hell can you have a partner when most guys don't even know to communicate with their boyfriends or the men they choose to have sex with? Most of the guys out here wouldn't know what to do with a real life partner because it requires trust and dedication.

Maybe somebody great will come along, but I'm not counting on it. Anon 6/4--9:19/9:25, I appreciate your bluntness. You know what's out there and don't create the allusion of a fairy tale life. I just know I don't want to wake up and I'm 40 and realize I've wasted my life on one-night stands, dead-end relationships, crazy men, and endless nuts that produced nothing but heartache and emptiness.