After i lost FLJ in June I went into solitude and a mild depression. The rest of the summer proved to be difficult but there was light at the end of the tunnel. As I packed things away except for a few pictures, I tried to return to somewhat of a normal life (still trying to figure out what that is).

Then the recent murder of my friend Randolph... and last week I was at my breaking point. I was loosing my faith quickly and was left questioning God.

After pouring my heart out to my therapist, I got in my truck and on my way home for some reason I seemed to notice the myraid amount of homeless people... I then saw a mother with three kids struggling to make the bus before it pulled off with bags of what seemed like clothes in her hand.... then I found out my mother had been in an accident and totalled her car.... when I got home I got a call from Department of Ed wondering why I hadn't been paying my student loans the past two months... all the time thinking FLJ had set up the direct pay but then I remembered he was no longer here.

Again at my breaking point... a much needed "work" trip back to Los Angeles was what I needed to escape life only for a few days. Lucky for me instead of being at the Beverly Wilshire... I was going to the Four Seasons Westlake Village which is host to the California Longevity and Health Institute. Upon arriving and checking in my first session was with a doctor that taught a lesson on kaizen and making a great change in life one small step at a time. Virtually in tears throughout the session, the doctor came up to me afterwards and smiled as he shook my hand. I told him that 30 minute lecture was worth flying across country.

The rest of last week went with early early early morning walks and hikes around the property... lots of exercise.... spa treatments, massages and relaxing by the serenity pool... and hands on healthy cooking lessons...

I spent the final night in LA, with my bestfriend and another good friend. With a little bit of my sanity regained, I was on an early morning flight back to the Right coast. And for the first time ever... I actually wasn't ready to leave LA.

~

9 comments:

one soulful negro. said...

man i am truly sorry to hear about all of these truly unfortunate events that are seemingly just concurrently impacting your life. i wish you a lifting of burden.

i am glad to hear that your trip helped you gain a sense of sanity and, hopefully soon, a sense of normalcy. it's nice to have a place you can just visit with out care. a place to decompress...a place that is bogged down with all of life's trials. not a place to run away, but a place to get away. so good for you sir.

take care of self sir. take care of self.

Andre J Allen II said...

take it day by day. You are strong person. Keep the faith and mediate and every thing will work itself out and you will find your way again and hopefully back to normal life.

life said...

Man, you've had quite a summer and early fall. I had to send a little prayer up after reading your life events. Don't lose your faith. It's easier said than done, but I'm sure you've experienced enough to know God has away of working things out.

I'm glad you gain some type of release while you were in California. Stay encourage

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Wow man, you've been thru a lot ma dude. Glad to hear you're pulling yourself up.

~Damnit!

Anonymous said...

I just learned from another blog that the police have a suspect in custody who is going to claim the "gay panic" defense!

It's like whenever a gay man is murdered, he is "murdered" AGAIN by having his name dragged thru the mud by his killers.

Imagine that, the victim supposedly made a "pass" at one of four strangers at night when he was with a friend (or lover?) on his way to a club. Outrageous!

C. Baptiste-Williams said...

the info anonymous refrenced was in last week's blade newspaper

http://washingtonblade.com/2008/9-26/news/localnews/13337.cfm

fuzzy said...

you know what? I can understand why you wouldn't want to leave LA! I wouldn't wanna go either. Problems are at home and safe haven is in LA. Perfectly Understandable!

Darius T. Williams said...

I'm glad you found a way to escape...even if only for a bit!

Chet said...

Sorry to hear about all the sad things that has transpired in your life these past few months, both FLJ and your friend that met his demise en route to an event. My condolences to you and the familiy and friends of both people.

The trip to LA appears to have done you some good, stay focused and by allmeans kick that depression in its behind, find solace in knowing that although I may not know you personally I feel your pain too, be strong and take good care of you.