It wasn't until I was well out of college and had been living on my own for years that it came to my realization that my mother has no concept of money.

Every time I would visit home there would be something new and obnoxious in her house and when I would ask about it she would say... oh that was only XX a month and I got XX percent off.

Growing up if I had a great day, I was rewarded by going to the mall and buying something new for myself... if I had a bad day, I was cheered up by going to the mall and buying something new. For many going to the mall to get something may be nothing. But for me growing up I never really asked for much. I never had to have the latest games or clothes. But this behavior growing up only continued into my adulthood.

By the time I graduated from Auburn, I had over $3000 in credit card debt. And while I thank my mother for most of it... there were no lessons of fiscal responsibility... and all those free credit card offers on campus didn't help. I have since paid that $3000 off twice over. But now after the Atlanta job situation and everything going on here I have found myself once again in credit card debt... $7000 this time. Entering into a recession only makes me fearful of having such debt... which is why I will be grinding like crazy to pay off this debt. I will be working like a mad man... cutting expenses... taking no personal trips... and watching my spending until I get this under control.

Now with groceries costs... gas... skyrocketing. And my rent going up next month... this will definitely be a challenge but my goal is to be credit card debt free by April 1... lets see if I make it.

After i lost FLJ in June I went into solitude and a mild depression. The rest of the summer proved to be difficult but there was light at the end of the tunnel. As I packed things away except for a few pictures, I tried to return to somewhat of a normal life (still trying to figure out what that is).

Then the recent murder of my friend Randolph... and last week I was at my breaking point. I was loosing my faith quickly and was left questioning God.

After pouring my heart out to my therapist, I got in my truck and on my way home for some reason I seemed to notice the myraid amount of homeless people... I then saw a mother with three kids struggling to make the bus before it pulled off with bags of what seemed like clothes in her hand.... then I found out my mother had been in an accident and totalled her car.... when I got home I got a call from Department of Ed wondering why I hadn't been paying my student loans the past two months... all the time thinking FLJ had set up the direct pay but then I remembered he was no longer here.

Again at my breaking point... a much needed "work" trip back to Los Angeles was what I needed to escape life only for a few days. Lucky for me instead of being at the Beverly Wilshire... I was going to the Four Seasons Westlake Village which is host to the California Longevity and Health Institute. Upon arriving and checking in my first session was with a doctor that taught a lesson on kaizen and making a great change in life one small step at a time. Virtually in tears throughout the session, the doctor came up to me afterwards and smiled as he shook my hand. I told him that 30 minute lecture was worth flying across country.

The rest of last week went with early early early morning walks and hikes around the property... lots of exercise.... spa treatments, massages and relaxing by the serenity pool... and hands on healthy cooking lessons...

I spent the final night in LA, with my bestfriend and another good friend. With a little bit of my sanity regained, I was on an early morning flight back to the Right coast. And for the first time ever... I actually wasn't ready to leave LA.

~

You Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me

http://livesteez.com//videos/watch/48ygRlV

nam nyoho renge kyo.... just skip to 5:30 and listen... and this pedophile is on the streets

Random Thoughts this Monday Morning...

1. So a friend of mine was attacked on his way to BeBar here in DC this past Sunday... and now lies in Howard University Hospital in a coma. Since promoters only care about the bottom line and not the safety of their crowds; since it isn't even safe to walk a block from your car to a bar, even in the Nation's capital; because the value of life is not something people seem to understand.... Be careful and alert of your surroundings

2. I guess the new Maxwell National tour means he is back... now can I get an album release date?

3. Aren't we all happy Oprah is back!

4. Why does it seem that all the good movies come out around the same time. Sometimes I can go weeks without wanting to see anything that has come out and then there will be a weekend like this one where there were 4 movies I wanted to see.

5. Back to LA later this week.... 2 trips in one month...

6. Back to the gym next week... its been a number of months now since I have been but I really need to get back to it. Maybe I need a workout partner... it is sooo easy for me to get distracted and fall off.

7. Why does it seem like everyone around me is more concerned with Hurricane Ike than I was and all were surprised by this. Yes Katirna was devestating to my family but it wasn't the first and won't be the last hurricane we go through. And it definitely wasn't the same situation.

8. I don't understand why people think this election is going to be close.... Obama and McCain are so polar opposites on the issues that it should be a cut and dry decision. It amazes me that the stunts of adding a woman to the ticket will persuade people to bypass how they feel about the true issues is quite disappointing.

9. Did anyone see The Family that Prey's... I hope it was better than that $*#!%(!? Meet the Browns.

10. Lawd JHud engaged to a I Love NY cast off.... what kind of fuckery. Let us go to the Lawd in prayer.

11. FLJ Jr.

The Women have Returned...

So I finally saw the remake of The Women. Since I loved the original and love Jada so I had to see it. I won't go through a long critique of the movie but I will say that it really impressed me to be a remake.

It is rare that remakes adapt to current times but stay true to the original movie; but the writer/director Diane English were able to accomplish that. From the names of the characters... down to the fashion show sequence Diane played great homage to the original 1939 classic film.

However Jada's depiction of a lesbian in 2008 was quite disappointing and quite cartoonish. (And I know we are all thinking if anyone can play a lesbo Jada would be able to pull it off) The whole sitting like a a construction worker... the dating a trite less than super model... the awful choice of a lesbo restaurant.... made me wonder does English even know or tried to know any gay people before altering the original script to include this.

While by far not a great movie... definitely a good and entertaining movie, that I enjoyed this past Sunday evening.

From the Streets of West Baltimore... to the Boulevards of Beverly Hills

The ubercutie Tristan Wilds made his move to the west coast this past week with his starring role as Dixon Wilson in the television redux of 90210. In the 2008 version Tristan plays the "Brandon Walsh" role of the family that moves west to begin a new life in the tony Beverly Hills. During my trip out west you couldn't turn around or blow your nose without seeing an advertisement for the new series featuring his boyish grin.

Mr. Wilds first came across my screen as Michael Lee in the Wire. I must admit watching the evolution of Michael the good kid turned killer with a conscience was one of the major reasons why I kept watching the series. I wanted to see if his conscience ever got the better of him... but alas -30- came and with the end of the series with Michael continuing the life of crime.

But now putting a twist in the legendary role it will be interesting to see the evolution of Dixon who by the looks of the 2 hour premiere will be the only black face in Beverly Hills. But I will definitely be paying attention to see...

RFK "in 40 Years..."

East met West

What a relaxing and fun weekend. I have visited LA a few times but this time was cool just to relax and go with the flow with my bestfriend. United first class.... Beverly Wilshire hotel.... and good friends.

We didn't do a lot of touristy things... it actually seemed like a 5 day plug for me to move out west. Now the nightlife could be a lot better... and everything is sooooooooooo spread out, but I actually considered the move for a hot second. But anyway great times...

Anyway East meets West part 2... September 17-21, 2008

Spur of the moment business trip but hey I love the miles.

~