Growing up in Relationships

I truly believe my upbringing has not only shaped and formed the person I am today but also the type of people I choose to date. My maternal and paternal families couldn’t be more different. My mother’s family were working class, devout Christians, that seemed to never judge people by their material possessions but more so by their merit and actions. They were truly down home, good people that would give their last for someone in need. Now my father’s family at first glance could be polar opposites. They were Caribbean immigrants that epitomized the E. Franklin Frazier’s Black Bourgeoisie. If you brought a date to a family function, you could rest assure their pedigree, career/school, and complexion would be under scrutiny. It wasn’t until I was in the 5th grade after spending time with them in New Orleans did I realize that my skin was much fairer than my other cousins and mother. I often overheard ‘Thank God he was blessed with the good genes... instead of them others.’ But back to my point I definitely think that this has shaped who I have chosen to date.

So back in September, I met a guy from Texas out and about here in Atlanta. So on the basis of a Texan bond and the need for people to hang out with here we formed a friendship. It didn't take long to realize being from Texas was one of the very few things we had in common… but I guess what they say opposites attract. His hood and quick to fight temper is quite hilarious and disturbing at the same time. I always have to ask him… what does that solve? The stories and experiences of his childhood often baffle me. So over the past 2 months our friendship has been just that friendship… until this weekend when he asked me if I would ever date someone like him.

We always make those broad, generic statements…of who we would and wouldn’t date. And while I slipped up once or twice in the past, I quickly got rid of those mistakes (yes they were mistakes but thank God for the life lessons). For some reason I have always been attracted to tall, light, educated, with careers and goals. Retail workers (unless you were store manager or higher), strippers, ghetto, porn stars, uneducated, and the have-nots (A couple of those would apply to my new friend)… would have never stood a chance at a long term commitment.

So how did I answer that question… I simply said I am not sure but I wouldn’t rule it out. Who knows maybe I am maturing and recognizing the faults from my classism, bourgeoisie upbring? But for now the friendship is working so I think I will leave it at that for awhile.


celeste said...

i think as we grow up we see what is truly important in a mate.. but your paternal family sounds alot like mine.

Anonymous said...

I always tell my friends "never say never"...your soul mate is chosen by the universe at the same time you were just a thought in the mind of God. Most of our past relationships with all the drama and pain were just primers preparing us for the real just sit back relax and enjoy the various peeps that come your way and appreciate their...ghettoness, stripper experiences, lack of education, retail work may be surprised to find they really are okay.

Playboy Adonis said...

Dating is suppose to be fun. Marriage is for being serious. Make it a point to do things and talk to people you would otherwise not associate with.

BYW, I saw "Paris Is Burning" Lastnight and wrote a review on my site.

sekou said...

truthfully, within the Caribbean your skin colour and your ecominic classing says alot about who you will date. I too am a victim living here in Trinidad and Tobago. I have never dated anyone under upper middle class since that is my upbringing here on the island as well as anyone darker than me ( I have a chocolate brown complexion). Once I considered dating a different type of person much to the horror and disdain of my friends and family that knows my status simply because socially we did not fit. Even though maturity can change us and our thinking, the way we were raised will still have a phenominal effect on who we choose to be with.