Growing up, I never quite understood why my mother’s baby sister, Sharon and her ex, Harold weren’t married anymore.

They seemed to be good friends and as long as I can remember I have never heard either say anything bad about the other or ever even argue. All I knew that Harold was still good friends with everyone in the family and always gave the best presents. Their son JeMel was always a top priority with him. He always lived in the upscale neighborhoods of Houston and they always looked like a magazine photo spread taken out of Architectural Digest. And I remember music… there was always music playing in his house. O and his roommates, over all the years he only had 2 that I can ever remember but they were always so stylish and fun. My father passed when I was still in elementary school, so I always spent time with my two uncles, Terry and Harold, while growing up in Houston. At least one weekend a month I was at his house with my cousin, JeMel.

I always wanted to grow up to be like my uncle Harold. A successful executive at one of the largest oil companies in Texas… always driving a nice ride… dressed in the best clothes… and so many friends.

I will never forget not long after me and my mother moved to Birmingham, JeMel and Harold had gotten into a fight and one went tumbling down the stairs in the house and the police were called. I had never seen my uncle upset but JeMel always had a problem with his temper. When I asked why… I was told he found out his father was gay. At that moment I had a stream of flashbacks to growing up and realizing damn yeah he was. Maybe 4 years after that incident on Thanksgiving day, my uncle passed away. I remember driving back to campus wishing that I could have reached out to my uncle and told him my secret, although I am sure he knew.

I always wondered what it would be like to have him in my life right now. Someone to talk to that understands. For those that have parents that are accepting and understanding you are truly lucky. No real point to this just thoughts on my mind...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

i wish i had that in my life as well

colinnyc said...

like seeing a human side to you LOL

Cocoa Rican said...

My parents love me. I know this… today. Unfortunately, at 15 I found myself on the streets of NYC doing things that would make for a great 3-hour Sunday drama on Showtime, to survive – all because dad was a Pentecostal pastor who couldn’t accept having a gay son. More than twenty years later, I’ve let go of my anger and made sense of what can make parents wish the best for their child, while letting them fend for themselves on the street; all in the name of tough love and the ridiculous notion that they will change their sexual orientation. As an adult I struggled to be a successful, well-rounded adult in the hopes that they would see that my sexual orientation didn’t change my core values and my drive to be a productive human being. When nothing I did outweighed my being gay, I chose to let go and live. I brought my partner (at the time) to family gatherings and sent family members housewarming invitations when we bought our first house. Eventually my parents visited and stayed with us and realized that although they would never accept my sexual orientation, it was a greater sin to reject their son. We now interact as openly as we all can, while not discussing touchy subjects (ie. My sex life). I love my parents and I can appreciate that we can’t change the world…even when that world may love us. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree and compromise to be a part of each other’s lives.

All to say, be brave and stand by who you are, but don’t right folks off because their ignorance puts blinders on their love. It’s so much harder to reminisce on what could’ve been.

ReddMann said...

i would never write my mother off... we are quite close and talk at least 3 to 4 times a week. I just hate that there are aspects of my life that I can't talk to her about. I would never want to discuss my sex life with her but my love life is a different thing.

TBone said...

This is interesting! I can relate to your feelings and emotions! I say that because my parents do know about my sexuality. My mother and stepfather are very accepting and understanding. Well, my mother is! I have never really had any interation or conversation with him about it but I am sure he knows. My mother and I have a very good and close relationship. I have spoke to her about love and basically living this lifestyle! It is and continues to be hard for me becasue I know that my mother has certain expections for me which all mothers and fathers do! I can't see myself talking to her about sex! I can relate to you wanting your uncle in your life! I admire people who have a gay relative that they can relate to and talk to. I have a cousin who I found out inevertantly that was gay! But since those revelations from both of us, we have avoided each other like the plague! I want that closeness but I guess he doesn't trust me! I say that because we have a very huge religous family and if it got out about him or me! We would be looked at so differently! But I do long for that closeness from a relative that could relate to the things I go through in this life!