It was 8:24pm when I finally made it home Sunday. Exhausted from a day of work and a cookout with my friends, I immediately stripped down and jumped in the shower to wash the day off. When I exited the shower, I grabbed the mail that had been piling up on the kitchen table for a week, grabbed a diet coke... turned on some music and got in the middle of my bed to sort through the junk mail and bills.

'Like a moth to the flame burned by the fire... my love is blind can't you see my desire' I turned to FLJ's picture and mouthed That's the way love goes...

As I went through the mail there was an envelope for FLJ, as I opened it I saw a visitor's guide to LA with a letter stating "I hope this helps you find those off the beaten path activities you wanted to plan."

We were to take this trip together... and now I go alone. By now this awful nightmare of cancer was going to be another hurdle we had finally cleared. He told me two years ago that he couldn't commit until this was a thing of the past... and at times I didn't understand or maybe I didn't want to understand. And then there were times I got impatient with waiting. But by now all of this would be a moot point. One he got the go ahead, the plans were to expand his client base and move to Harlem by the end of the year. I would join him in the Spring. I often sat by the bed joking about how he would find me an Asian woman to carry the 2 kids.

Just made me think... why is it for me at least life never works the way it is planned? I keep telling myself this rollercoaster I have been on the past 3 years is preparing me for something bigger, something better. But what could that be? And when will I get there?

My friend AJ signs all of his emails asking, "If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient." I wonder...

5 comments:

BPS 2.0 said...

Maybe the lesson is already there and you already learned it. You waited three years and on a 'rollercoaster' if you will. I don't know if you know, but you are one patient man. No one can tell you otherwise. But maybe it's now time to be a man of action. Maybe that is what God is waiting for you to do. Maybe the whole point was for you to realize that you must lead and step up. You can't depend on others for this stage in your life. Or as I have learned, maybe the three years was a pause so that God could put things and people in place for you to receive your blessing.

I do know one thing....deep in your heart and soul you know the answer to all of this. Accept it and do what you must do.

C. Baptiste-Williams said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
A Friend in DC said...

i havent been a passenger on your rollercoaster but as friends I have sat and watched it go around.

and actually i believe you have been on more than one rollercoaster. i think the move to atlanta and franklins death are two very different life lessons and experiences.

i have never seen you as happy as you are now career wise even if it isnt monetarily where u want it. but you are truly happy with your job and many of us don't have that.

as for your relationships... i dont know about that one ill be waiting to see myself what happens.

Kyon Saucier said...

To be honest I think alot of other people feel the same way. I know I have asked myself the same question. You just keep taking one step at a time and eventually it slowly starts to make sense.

Darius T. Williams said...

AJ has a great quote. That's something that we all wonder.