It was 8:24pm when I finally made it home Sunday. Exhausted from a day of work and a cookout with my friends, I immediately stripped down and jumped in the shower to wash the day off. When I exited the shower, I grabbed the mail that had been piling up on the kitchen table for a week, grabbed a diet coke... turned on some music and got in the middle of my bed to sort through the junk mail and bills.

'Like a moth to the flame burned by the fire... my love is blind can't you see my desire' I turned to FLJ's picture and mouthed That's the way love goes...

As I went through the mail there was an envelope for FLJ, as I opened it I saw a visitor's guide to LA with a letter stating "I hope this helps you find those off the beaten path activities you wanted to plan."

We were to take this trip together... and now I go alone. By now this awful nightmare of cancer was going to be another hurdle we had finally cleared. He told me two years ago that he couldn't commit until this was a thing of the past... and at times I didn't understand or maybe I didn't want to understand. And then there were times I got impatient with waiting. But by now all of this would be a moot point. One he got the go ahead, the plans were to expand his client base and move to Harlem by the end of the year. I would join him in the Spring. I often sat by the bed joking about how he would find me an Asian woman to carry the 2 kids.

Just made me think... why is it for me at least life never works the way it is planned? I keep telling myself this rollercoaster I have been on the past 3 years is preparing me for something bigger, something better. But what could that be? And when will I get there?

My friend AJ signs all of his emails asking, "If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient." I wonder...