It has been a little over a year since I moved back to DC. And life right now is no where near what I had expected it to be when I moved back.

Today in a conversation with a friend about FLJ, he mentioned he never knew how I really felt about him because I never really stated. After the death of Terrence and a string of unsuccessful dating situations, I began to keep a lot of that part of my life quiet. I simply felt that no one needs to know every detail about what is going on in my dating life.

My relationship with FLJ was quite unique one. We dated off and on since 2003. Even when we weren't dating we remained really good friends, so the definition of our relationship was often quite blurry even to those who knew us well. When I made the decision to return to Washington it wasn't purely for the reason of the job opportunity that had been presented to me. I sought out the job because of the decision to be closer to FLJ during his fight with cancer. I never told anyone this part of my decision to leave Atlanta because I was one of those who said I would never move for a man... well I did, never say never I guess. FLJ also made it very clear he wouldn't be in a committed relationship with me until the battle with cancer was over. He felt it was too much to ask one person to deal with. Regardless I told him I would see him through it. During one of my visits to DC from Atlanta we talked about our future and began to make plans to move to NYC in the fall of 2008 by then the cancer would be gone. I guess Peter Drucker was right when he said, "Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans."

But life is what it is now. I work incredible amounts of hours now and often only have other time to sleep and relax for a few hours a day. I don't have the network of friends I had when I lived here before so to distract me for my lacking personal life I fill the time with work. But that is helping me meet those financial goals I have set for myself.

This Sunday was the first time I had been out in DC in such a long time and it felt oh so good. To hang with some old friends, have several drinks and reclaim that socialite status if for only one night. Celebrating a friends birthday and just hanging out with my boy JC was just what I needed. Less the immature kids fighting outside the bar... these bars really need to be a little more selective about who they let in.

JC has been quite a needed relief. Our lazy afternoons and early evenings at our local gathering place/lounge/bookstore/restaurant/etc. talking about friendships, travel, blogging, and life are one of the few things I really enjoy about being back in DC. I shouldn't totally down my time in DC this time I guess it isn't all that bad, it just isn't the DC I once knew.

As for the random guys I have met since being back... I really didn't take any of them serious. They were all mere placeholders something to occupy time with. Now that I have typed that it sounds really mean... they were mostly nice but really no connection. My bestfriend has told me once before that I write people off to quickly... "they do one thing you don't like and we never hear there name again." Which is mostly true... I just feel relationships should be easy and drama free in the beginning... and if they aren't usually that is how it will be throughout. And as an Aries I have little or no patience. But with that said there isn't much to comment on those guys because there has been nothing happening.

Since being back in DC from my two trips to LA, I have been eating a lot healthier... not on some crazy ass nuts, berries and tofu but just more healthier... chicken tacos instead of beef... baked sweet potatoes instead of rice... grilled pork chops instead of fried. Now if only I could get the drive to take my out of shape ass to the gym.

So I am just being me... perfectly imperfect... still creating my HisStory....

~